


Perforated stars

by TrashyAzeoHane



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crushes, Everything is the same... but I changed a few things, Family Fluff, Fluff, Gary and Avocato being dads, Kinda Auish, M/M, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 39,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashyAzeoHane/pseuds/TrashyAzeoHane
Summary: “You don’t look scared at all.” Gary huffed, hinting on a joking tone, but a sudden shiver appearing in the last word sold him out.“Very flattering of you to say, but I’m terrified like most of the time.” Avocato said, feeling the words scratching his throat.“Really?” Gary asked, glancing at him.There was something in his eyes, some hidden need, some kind of pulse that thrummed and beat and vibrated. Some kind of emotion Avocato couldn’t exactly name. Just something that made Avocato all messy inside.
Relationships: Avocato/Gary Goodspeed
Comments: 57
Kudos: 134





	1. Part I

Avocato was confused. This was a good word to use in his current situation. Confused. Or maybe perplexed. That word worked too. A little bit lost, but he was used to this feeling. But right now it was a tad different confusion than usual.

Mostly because it was related to Gary and the human was, well, _confusing_.

Not in the bad meaning of this word. Definitely not. He was just so different than Avocato that most of the time he couldn’t make heads or tails of what Gary was thinking.

So he usually didn’t think too much about the reasons and just let Gary do whatever he wanted.

And it worked until now.

Now something had changed. Well, that was wrong. A lot of things had changed. Avocato had been dead, or to be more precise almost dead in his case, but he had been back. Only to be possessed during the very next day and had been forced to leave the crew and his little boy again.

(Avocato would never forget what he had made Little Cato do. He would never forgive himself either for that, for making him live through so many horrible moments. That he had forced his son to do unimaginable things, weaving terrible memories. But God, how proud he was of Little Cato was beyond his heart’s comprehension. He felt like bursting from pride whenever someone simply mentioned his son. Or should he say ‘ _their_ ’ now?)

Being possessed hadn’t been nice, but if Avocato had to be honest he had to admit that he didn’t remember everything. There had been bits and pieces, voices, images and pictures mingling in his head. There had been times when he could have looked with his own eyes and there had been times when the only thing around him had been darkness, filled with voices from the past. Time had been forgotten, consciousness had been something that had slipped through his fingers like cosmic dust. He had been there and not, both in the same time.

(There had been times when he had forgotten that in the end he had been a living being with a body.)

It wasn’t a part of his life he wanted to remember. Now he was glad he had got his body and family back.

He was getting distracted again.

The whole point was that Gary had been acting confusing.

After Avocato had returned, the whole crew had been acting differently around him. Scared. Almost like they had waited for him to leap, attack and tear the throats apart, leaving the bodies to float in the space. The only people who had not been treating him strange had been his son and Gary.

(Who actually had quite a big fight with the rest of the crew about how they had treated Avocato.)

Now, after some time had passed, everything seemed fine. Well it had been fine, until some time ago. Well even now it technically wasn’t _not_ fine, it was just different.

Because Gary was acting weird. Like not his usual weird, but different type of weird. What was even worse was that it wasn’t an unwanted type of weird. Hell, even worse was the fact that Avocato really liked it, though he would prefer for this weirdness to not make his mind a fuzzy mess and his heart be two steps away from a cardiac arrest.

(But he had gotten used to these things. Or at least he thought he had been used to them. But during the past few weeks he had found out that he had been as vulnerable to them as long time ago.)

“And Uno!”

“Wait, were we playing Switch the whole time?”

“I thought we were playing Poker?”

“What?”

Avocato sighed and put down the cards. To be fair he had gotten lost what they had been doing until now.

The fact that Gary was proudly puffing out his chest wasn’t exactly helping him. Especially as he was wearing that goofy smile which did things to him. Bad things. Strange things. Uncomfortable things. Cosmic things.

Little Cato – who was sitting next to him – also put down his cards, showing a perfect collection of all Kings, and then slumped down on the couch.

Nightfall frowned and also moved the cards down, not showing anyone what exactly she had been playing. Though it seemed like she had hard time understanding what was happening around her.

Avocato wasn’t surprised. It was already late. Some of them should be sleeping right now.

And almost like on cue his son opened his mouth and yawned loudly, moving his arms to stretch them above the head, reaching for the stars.

“I’m going to sleep.” Little Cato said, then swung his whole body up to stand on his feet and put his hand on the table, spreading and messing the cards. “G’night.”

But it was fine, the game apparently ended with no winner.

“Good night.”

“Sleep tight.”

“And sweet dreams.”

Even if Little Cato wanted and tried to hide the smile, he was pretty miserable at it, so Avocato immediately saw his mouth stretching.

Little Cato lifted up sleeping Mooncake, to cradle it in his arms, and quickly walked out of the common room, shuffling his feet on the floor, barely lifting them up.

Avocato needed to sneak past Little Cato’s and Fox’s room later on and check whether he really went to bed or not. Little Cato had a tendency to simply curl and sleep on the first vacant place found while being seconds away from dozing off. So he wouldn’t be surprised if he found the boy in some vent system for example.

“I think I’m going to sleep too. It has been a tiring day.” Nightfall said, standing up too and moving her shoulders in circles.

Yeah, running after KVN who had stolen a quite important part of the ship because it had been shiny and sparkly had been definitely an exhausting experience. Ash had managed to capture him in the end, but after almost making the ship crash, so it was understandable that everyone deserved a break.

“Okie dokie, good night.”

“G’night.” Avocato murmured.

Nightfall nodded and then slipped away from the room without a sound. To be fair, if she hadn’t said it out loud, neither Gary nor Avocato would probably notice her going out. She was like fog when she wanted to, moving, sliding through space and time without a trace.

So this left Gary and Avocato alone.

And if he had to be honest Avocato was really, really tired. He dreamed about nothing more than a pillow, a blanket and the cozy darkness surrounding his mind, however he didn’t utter a thing.

Gary reached, collected the cards and started to shuffle them.

“Beggar-my-neighbor?” He asked.

There was a hint of sugary dreams intertwined with his voice, almost like he too was on the verge of lulling away to the dreamland. Yet he stayed. He didn’t even move to walk away, almost like –

(Almost like –)

Avocato wasn’t sure about the answer. But he knew Gary didn’t move, even though it was clearly visible he was tired and wanted to sleep. He persistently stayed and clumsily shuffled the deck.

“How many card games do you actually know?” Avocato asked, raising his eyebrow and crossing his arms on his chest.

Gary grinned widely.

“A lot.” He made two stacks of the cards in front of himself, but left both hands on each of them. “So?”

“Give them to me.”

Gary did and they started the first round.

* * *

Returning to reality had been way harder than Avocato had thought it could be. Mostly because he simply never had thought he would have to do it. He had expected a lot of things to happen in his life.

Being possessed by a mysterious entity, almost killing his best friend, being forced apart from his family and then being rescued had been definitely not on the list.

But it had happened.

Returning to reality had been hard. Avocato had felt like everything had changed. And it had changed, no, it definitely had had to change after such long time had passed. Yet because so much time had passed Avocato had hard time finding himself in the new reality.

(Time jumping while being almost dead and then being dead mentally could have such consequences.)

The hardest part for Avocato had been finding himself in the new life.

First, Gary had adopted his son, which well, to be honest it was pretty great. Amazing even. Astonishing. Okay, maybe at first, when he had found about it he had kinda frozen like his body had been floating in space without a suit. But it hadn’t meant that he had been against it. On the contrary.

(It filled his heart with joy to see how much Little Cato relied on Gary, who seemed to love doing it, taking care of their son.)

Little Cato was Avocato’s stable connection to the past. His beacon. His lifeline. His lighthouse. His satellite. He knew that no matter what, his bond with his son would stay the same. It was a constant in a formula, a symbol that simply was there, comforting, loving, familiar.

Gary had been like that too, at the beginning. But then after some time it had shifted, changed, morphed into something different. Not unwelcomed, just different.

(Nice different, but Avocato pushed these thoughts away. It was better not to dwell on them when he didn’t have any chances. There was no way that Gary – that he – no, it was impossible.)

Voluntarily spending more time with Avocato was one thing. At first he had thought that it had been due to missed time which could be spend together. Then it had changed into thinking that maybe Gary had been scared that Avocato would simply disintegrate while he hadn’t been looking. But it also hadn’t been that. Or maybe it had been at the beginning, but then it had changed.

In the end, right now, Avocato thought that Gary wanted to spend time with him as friends, best buds, BFFs or whatever he called their friendship. But even this wouldn’t explain the amount of time Gary spent with him. Almost like he was searching for excuses to stay with him, talk, joke, converse about past and future or just to simply stop in the time and enjoy being there.

For example, Nightfall was Gary’s close friend too and he wasn’t losing sleep just to play a card game with her.

“So we were just there, jumping off the ship!”

“Somersaulting in the air!”

“While screaming!”

“Little Cato a few meters behind me! I thought I would die!”

“But then _bam_! I finally managed to grab him!”

“And I survived!” Gary proudly said, then moved his hand to wrap it around Little Cato and ruffle his hair with the other one. “Thanks to this guy!”

“Ugh dad, stop!” Little Cato whined, trying to swat the attacking palm away, but failing miserably.

Maybe in the end he didn’t try that much. Maybe he simply just did that to keep up an image, a hologram, but deep down didn’t really mind that. Judging by the smile dancing and floating on his face it was definitely the case.

Avocato really loved seeing them interact. It was astonishing how free, how fitting, how comfortable they seemed with each other. It looked like they could understand each other without words. And the amount of affection being exchanged was incredibly sweet. Their relationship was like a binary star with love and trust in the center.

They really were fit for each other.

“Nevertheless I’m really grateful.” Gary said, sung it even and then turned his head to Avocato. “And this, my dear friend, was how we escaped Morinx S-27.”

Avocato couldn’t force himself to tell them that he had already heard the story two times. He loved seeing the utter joy on their faces too much to butt into the sudden storytelling moment that would erupt from time to time.

“That’s great.” Avocato said and nodded. “But now finish your vegetables, Little Cato. Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to distract me.”

Little Cato smiling face quickly turned sour. His son flopped, even slumped down on the seat, turning into a jelly with a frown. A quite endearing look, especially as his whiskers moved and nose scrunched adorably.

Unfortunately for Little Cato, Avocato knew all his tricks. Even after being possessed and repossessed by himself.

“But they are disgusting.” Little Cato whined, slumping even farther down on the seat, slowly, but steadily disappearing beneath the table.

Avocato pointed his spoon at him.

“Eat or no more wild rides on Nightfall’s plasmic bike.”

After hearing that Little Cato’s eyes widened comically and he moved closer to the plate to start almost devouring the remaining vegetables.

Gary laughed at that, making that short, kinda broken snort which tore from his body. But it was such an honest, sweet, enthusiastic, real and so adorable sound that Avocato twitched after hearing it. He was so glad that no one paid him any attention.

Both Ash and Fox had already left.

Avocato looked at his own plate and the remaining food on the spoon.

He loved that kind of moments, when there was nothing happening and they were just drifting through the cosmos with the traces of antimatter moving past them. The stars passed behind the windows, blinking and shimmering, waving and winking at them, watching as they were slowly floating across the universe.

They didn’t have many calm days, so Avocato treasured each and every one of them.

“Can you pass me the salt, Brocato?” Gary suddenly asked.

Avocato looked up, then glanced down at the container near his hand and grabbed it to pass it forward.

It was supposed to be a quick exchange.

Gary reached forward, leaning a little bit above the table, and then took the salt container while sliding his fingers delicately across Avocato’s paw.

And damn, his heart betrayed him again, jumping wildly as all nerves tensed and stressed, while his mind blackened out and then came back online in less than a second.

Gary slowly moved back to season the rest of his food.

Avocato’s hand floated above the table for too long to call it normal, so he quickly moved it back after noticing.

His fur and skin burned in the place where they had touched. It had been like electricity had run through this place, tensing the muscles, making it all vibrate beneath the skin. The contact hadn’t been long, hell, it had been short, but for Avocato it had felt like eternities and light years had passed.

It had been just a touch! Something simple! Something that happened everyday! Why was Avocato acting like that?

Avocato swallowed hard, brushing his fingers together and still feeling the warmness on his hand.

( _Please, don’t give him hope_. Avocato didn’t need that. He had agreed with his fate, he didn’t need it.

Even though he wanted it.)

* * *

The crew was bigger and different.

Hue had a body. A kinda not fully functioning body, but it was a moving, mechanical body. There was also Nightfall – who really had surprised Avocato after meeting her – and then Ash and Fox – Clarence’s ex-kids. He knew that man was no good deal. And of course, AVA, the new AI of the ship.

Getting used to them had been a feat, but Avocato had found out he quite liked the new company. They were good people, a little bit lost and kinda strange, but everyone who was around Gary was weird in some aspects.

Maybe it was due to the weirdness of the man himself. Because Gary was weird, but weird in that good way. Strange was his fixation with cookies, his giddy and too joyful mood and his love of touching others, trying to get close to them and show them his affection.

Yet there was something even more off with Gary approaching and touching Avocato. Not in the bad way, but in a kinda unusual way.

Like why did it feel like Gary was doing it on purpose, catching every occasion like butterflies to be able to touch him? A pat on the back. A small shove to the arm. A pinch to the cheek. A poke to the side. Pointing at something on his armor. Asking to pass something. Finding weird excuses to do something.

(Avocato’s favorite moment had been Gary running to him to compare their hands’ sizes.)

Maybe there was no undertones to it, maybe Gary was simply like that. And some part of it was true. Gary was like that. He liked touching people, aliens and other beings. It seemed like a moment without getting near to someone was a wasted moment for him.

But there was something different in the way Gary approached him. It almost seemed calculated, in lack of a better term. Like Gary was just waiting for an opportunity to do this or that. It wasn’t spontaneous in most cases, more like pre-reacted a thousand times in the head and then played out in real life.

And every time it had happened, or well after that, Gary had been wearing this goofy smile.

“Okay so you’re taking Ash and I’m taking Little Cato?” Avocato asked, uncrossing his arms.

Gary nodded.

“Sure, yeah, that works for me.”

They moved closer to the two lumps laying haphazardly on the couch in the main living area.

Avocato slowly scooped Little Cato up, making place for Gary to do the same with Ash, letting her head rest on his arm and drool on the jacket.

Little Cato mumbled something in his sleepy state and curled in Avocato’s grasp, making him grin happily under his nose.

Avocato looked at Gary who bobbed his head at him.

Together they slowly moved through the ship, getting the kids to their respective beds. First it was Ash as her room was closer.

After knocking on the door and not getting a response, Gary opened the door, huffing and puffing quietly under his breath as he did so. The room was empty and both bunkbeds were unmade.

Gary laid Ash down on the bottom bed, moved her body around so that the blanket which was beneath her would be free and then covered her body almost to her nose. His hand stayed there for a moment, almost like he was checking whether she was breathing or not, and then moved it to her forehead, pushing the pink hairs away. There was a sudden beat of silence, a short buzz of machine going on somewhere nearby, a sudden stillness to the world as Gary leaned and pecked Ash’s forehead.

It was a strangely timid and private moment. A gap in space-time continuum that deserved a break. A tiny pause in the flow of accidents that tore the hearts apart. A supernova of peculiarity and sweet emotions.

Avocato felt really out of place. He wasn’t sure what he felt towards the new members of their team, squad, team-squad. He didn’t dislike them, but he also didn’t know them long enough to trust them completely.

Gary, on the contrary, seemed to love them. Seemed to burst with energy whenever they were nearby. Seemed to simply expand and grow like universe whenever Fox, Ash or Little Cato asked him something.

(Avocato really loved seeing Gary interact with Little Cato. It was clear as the day that he loved his, no, their son. And he clearly loved Ash and Fox too. But somehow it was a little bit different with Little Cato. It didn’t mean that he loved Ash and Fox less, no, the emotion was clearly visible on his face. But Gary and Little Cato had a weird connection even Avocato couldn’t explain.)

“You’ll grow to love them too.” Gary said, when he stood up and moved to exit the bedroom.

Avocato shrugged. He didn’t want to agree or disagree with this opinion or statement.

The trip to Little Cato’s room was a quiet one, interrupted only by beeps and whistles of machinery around, controls going on and off somewhere in the distance, like a never ending companion on a lifelong travel. A breathing lifeform made of metal vibrated beneath their feet, huffed and sighed with every step they took.

The door to Little Cato’s and Fox’s room opened without a problem.

Fox was already there, asleep, wrapped like a cocoon.

Gary grabbed the metal rails and hoisted himself up, leaning above Fox and kissing the top of his head.

Avocato grinned under his nose, put Little Cato on his bed and warmed him with a blanket secured tightly around the small body.

The boy stirred a little, murmured something under his nose, furrowed his eyebrows and then turned on the bed, messing the fur on the top of his head and cheeks.

Little Cato looked adorable, curled up like that. And maybe it was the calmness of this moment, a sudden need that erupted in his chest, a hidden whisper, or simply something that he wanted to do. No matter what it was Avocato also leaned down and kissed the top of Little Cato’s head.

“Aww you’re mimicking me, you copycat.”

“From what I remember I was a dad first. You just followed in my footsteps.”

“Says a person who asked me to take care of his boy.”

“I don’t see you complaining.”

“That is because I’m not.” Gary said, shrugging as he jumped off the bed, only to immediately kneel down.

He tucked Little Cato more, straightening the blanket as his hand glided on the surface. And just like with the others Gary leaned forward and kissed Little Cato’s forehead, letting his lips rest there for a few seconds.

Avocato smiled under his nose as he leaned on the doorframe and observed the scene, cataloguing every moment in his mind and heart.

Gary slowly moved away, caressed Little Cato’s cheek with the back of his hand and tugged him in one more time.

“Sleep tight, Spidercat.”

Little Cato murmured something and then snuggled further into the blanket.

Gary patted him one more time and then stood up, letting all the bones crack and rattle.

“Come on, let them rest.” Avocato said and then exited the bedroom, glancing at his son.

Gary quickly followed him and then reached his hand up above his head, stretching it when the door closed behind him, leaving them alone in the empty corridor.

There was a short moment of silence, wrapping them into its embrace. It could be even called a calm silence, comfortable one, until Gary opened his mouth of course:

“You know what we just had?”

Avocato had no idea.

“What?” He asked warily, feeling like he already didn’t like the answer.

“An indirect kiss.”

And Avocato was right. He didn’t like the answer.

“Way to ruin the moment, baby.” He sighed, feeling like the energy simply disappeared from his body, making him incredibly dull, empty like a vacuum.

Gary laughed, making his shoulders shiver and tremble, with a hesitant, awkward undertone at the end. It was a pure sound, kinda skittish on the side, but honest and true nevertheless.

Avocato felt like he fell for him even more.

* * *

Trying to get used to the new life had been really weird at the beginning. Everything had seemed off, strange, not fitting. Like he simply hadn’t been supposed to be here. Like a star in an asteroid belt.

And some part to of it had been true. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He should be dead, drifting in the cosmos, in the middle of nowhere, waiting for his body to discorporate.

But he was alive. He was living. And he was having emotions and feelings, strong, deep feelings that burned him to the core.

Avocato couldn’t explain some things Gary said. Almost like he was searching for some reaction. Almost like he was hinting at something. But it couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be real. Avocato’s brain simply didn’t want to believe it.

(It would be too good to be true.)

Gary would say things that would imply other things. He would make jokes in that awkward voice of his, sometimes too high, sometimes too low, that strung a specific cord inside Avocato’s chest. He would insinuate and hint and there were times when it seemed like Gary was waiting for something, was searching for something in Avocato’s reactions.

Yet he didn’t know really what.

Avocato’s brain was at constant mess, in a fight with itself, where the synapses were snapping and clawing at each other.

Gary probably didn’t know what he was doing to Avocato. Of course he didn’t. How could he know when Avocato never had told him about his feelings? At first he hadn’t been sure about them. Because hell, who falls for a person they were supposed to kill, which in the end captured them and then became their best friend? No one! He had thought that he had become simply too attached to the human due to the lack of many emotional connections through his life.

But then Quinn had appeared and Avocato had noticed that it hadn’t been a very strong friendship unfortunately. It had been – and was – something way more. Something that was bigger than friendship, something that was like it and not, both in the same time.

He wanted some form of closure.

Avocato had tried to be happy with what he had had, but deep inside he had wanted more. More he couldn’t have. So why dwell on it? Why think about the unchangeable? Why ponder about possibilities that may never come true?

Plus back then he had had more important matters on his mind. Saving Little Cato.

They had done it together, then Avocato had died or almost died, or died and not, both in the same time? It was really confusing with the time jumping and staying behind.

The point was that Avocato was back, together with Little Cato, and now he had time to ponder. Especially as there was no Quinn around.

Maybe they hadn’t started on the best terms, but he admired her strength and devotion. She was a good person, very smart and brilliant. And he didn’t hate or dislike her, no, even on the contrary, he had quite fond feelings for her.

It just really hurt.

But Avocato had no doubt that Gary still loved her. He was constantly saying that they had to save her and Avocato had to agree with him. They needed to do that. Quinn deserved it.

And Gary deserved her too.

So they did it. They saved her, snatching her away from the Final Space after a long and tedious battle that left them breathless and way too many times close to dying than it was comfortable. But they all survived it, they were there, happy and alive.

(The whole world was wrong again. They hadn’t fixed even one thing, it had seemed like they had messed it up even more, leaving tear after tear in the space-time continuum, breaking the cosmos and galaxies apart.

And the fact that Invictus was still out there wasn’t a good sign. That was a thing they had to deal with at some point. But now, all of them were safe and sound aboard the Crimson Light.)

Avocato expected Gary and Quinn to hug and kiss and just do something after the haze of fight died down and they could catch a breath. He prepared himself to have his heart shattered once again in a million tiny atoms, just as he was slowly starting to glue it back together, piece after piece. He knew it would be hard to watch but at least Gary would be happy. He would grin blindly at them and everything would be fine for now.

Yet it didn’t happen.

Nightfall elbowed Gary as he was nervously glancing at the ground and intermittently at Quinn, who was trying to pat the flames on her clothes down.

Gary lifted his head, looked at Nightfall and it seemed like they had an entire spacious conversation during this short moment.

In the end Gary slumped his shoulders and turned around.

“Quinn, we need to talk.”

The girl looked up at him, with a sweet, hopeful glint shining in her starry eyes as a smile appeared on her mouth.

“Sure, we definitely do.”

Gary winced, grabbed her hand and then they both exited the hangar, leaving the rest of the team squad awkwardly standing there.

“So, that was new.” Ash finally said, moving to the rest and combing her covered with dirt hair with the fingers.

Nightfall clicked her tongue and moved to Ash to get the bigger debris from her hair.

“Gary and Quinn just need to have a very serious talk.”

Little Cato approached them, followed by Fox, who was checking something in his hand.

“Uh shouldn’t it be all fine now? We finally saved Quinn.” Little Cato inquired.

Avocato reached and wrapped his son in a hug, bringing his body closer to feel the familiar heat radiating from him. He had to take Little Cato to the Medbay to have the wounds checked and taken care of, not matter how small they were.

Nightfall smiled sadly at him.

“I’m afraid it’s not so easy, Little Cato.”

The boy lifted his eyebrows as he leaned towards Avocato, glancing up at him in search of the meaning of the woman’s words.

Unfortunately he also didn’t know what Nightfall had been talking about. Gary and Quinn should hug, kiss, talk, then hug some more and everything would be back to being brighter again.

Gary and Quinn talked for a pretty, pretty long time, during which Avocato and Nightfall got Little Cato, Ash, Fox and Mooncake to the Medbay and took care of their wounds. After that was covered and the little ones were sent to their beds, together with Hue, KVN and AVA, Avocato and Nightfall assessed the damage done to the ship, what needed to be done to repair it and what should they do from now on. But no one really wanted to talk about that just yet, so they ended the topic and returned to their respective rooms to get very much deserved sleep.

And Gary and Quinn were still talking.

(Or maybe they weren’t talking at all.)

Avocato didn’t really want to think about possibilities, about what they actually could be doing. He tried to fall asleep, something his body desperately needed right now, but found out that no matter how hard he tried to drift away, he simply couldn’t. His mind and heart were still buzzing with the excitement of the fight.

He couldn’t call it a won fight per se anyway. It left a bad aftertaste in his mouth at so many lost lives. They had been really lucky they had managed to get out of there alive, get out of the dying planets and destroyed ships, when so many of other living beings hadn’t made it and couldn’t escape. Their souls had been dragged away from their bodies which now floated somewhere in the cosmos with no place to bury them.

So many destroyed celestial bodies, so many lost lives. Poor lives that had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Consumed lives that had lived in peace until then, not knowing about the war that had started.

It seemed like they were destroying everything.

In the end Avocato stood up and paced around the ship, calming his mind to the tune of the working machine. An engine pumping energy into the whole ship purred tiredly beneath his feet as he walked, huffing and puffing with its metallic lungs.

The ship seemed utterly off with no soul around as he quietly walked through it, trying to find a sole place to sit down and disconnect from the world for a bit. Almost like he was moving in a dream, floating in between states of consciousness and not – an askew part of the dimension, a weirdly torn part of the string that made their universe.

The stars blinked and shimmered behind the window and Avocato wondered for how long they could do it. Was the end of the time already breathing on their necks? Did they even have a lot of time? He wasn’t sure. He knew that the world was messed up and it was their fault.

Avocato sat down on the ground and stared at the expanding cosmos in front of his eyes, blocking his mind from all thoughts that pushed and knocked and tried to take down the doors to his consciousness. But for now he only saw the astral place spreading in front of his eyes, calming him down for a moment.

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there, but probably for too long.

“Avocato? What are you doing here?”

He twitched and then lifted up his head. He already knew who was coming thanks to the voice. He would recognize it everywhere, in a millisecond, during a spark where the atoms break into two.

Gary was slowly approaching Avocato, the dirty and destroyed clothes still on him. He looked utterly exhausted with the dark bags under his eyes and the remains of his own blood already crusting on the cheeks and beneath the nose.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He answered honestly.

Gary let out a dry chuckle.

“After a day like today?”

“Well, I think there is some leftover adrenaline inside my muscles. Like my brain is waiting for something to happen.”

“Uh yeah, actually I totally can understand that.” Gary scratched the back of his head, looked at the view Avocato was observing. He cleared his throat and then pointed at a space of ground next to Avocato. “Is this seat taken?”

Avocato snorted.

“No, it’s free.”

Gary smiled tiredly and then flopped down next to Avocato, crossing his legs on the ground.

For a blissful, beautiful and terrible moment they only stared at the space in front of them. There were clouds gathering in the distance, bright, enormous, fluffy gases – nebulas – swirling together, trying to form something incredible and new. There was a lone comet flying far-flung. A moon of a planet that was nearby slowly rotated around it, together with its twin.

It was a beautiful place to be. And also terrifying.

Avocato tried to find something to talk about, something easy, something nice and calming.

And then of course he dropped the bomb.

“So, how are things between you and Quinn? Everything’s okay?”

Fuck his life. Why had he asked that? Of course everyone was curious about what they were talking, although it seemed that Nightfall knew the most and wasn’t sharing it with anyone, protecting their privacy.

Gary twitched and then started to play with the thread sticking out from his pants.

“Everything is… well… fine. Between us I mean. I think. I hope.”

Avocato glanced at him.

“You don’t look fine.” He stated.

Because it was a fact. Gary looked miserable, not only because of his outward appearance, but there was something in his eyes, inside of him, something that simply was torn apart and he didn’t know how to stitch it back together. His eyes almost screamed for something, or maybe they screamed at the world, at the unfairness of it all, at the wrong and devastation that spread around while they could do nothing but cry.

“What gave it away?”

Avocato wanted to say that a lot of specific and small things, but shut his mouth. He didn’t want to let Gary know that he had observed him thoroughly. So he only said:

“Everything.”

A dry laugh left Gary’s lips as he tugged on the thread violently. It didn’t come out, but stuck persistently to the trousers. But other than that he didn’t answer. Just looked at the world passing them by.

So they simply sat there together, staring at the space and breathing slowly in and out. They were alive. They were here. They got everyone back. They were breathing. It should be alright. It really should be.

But it wasn’t.

It simply wasn’t because the world was slowly tilting towards destruction with Invictus on the loose and the Final Space and all the titans being seconds away from consuming their world, tearing it into pieces and destroying every atom in its wake, moving protons away from each other and stealing electrons.

There was a delicate movement to his right and a warm heap landed on his shoulder. It took Avocato awfully long time to notice, through his wildly beating heart, that Gary rested his head there, simply as that.

“Do you mind –“

“No.” Avocato quickly said. Too quickly, if he might add. “It’s okay.”

It really was okay. More than okay.

Gary was breathing slowly, letting the air out in puffs and huffs as his head maneuvered a little to find the best position on Avocato’s shoulder.

There was another long spasm of time, a terribly protracted seconds that prolonged themselves into oblivion as they stared at everything and nothing both in the same time, until Avocato heard a soft sniff nearby.

He snapped his head in Gary’s direction.

“Hey, is everything really–“

“We’ve lost so many living beings today.” He softly whispered, voice so quiet it was almost not even there.

But it was there and it strung a painful string inside Avocato’s chest, making him hitch his breath for all the wrong reasons.

“Yeah, yeah we did.” Avocato nodded, shifting a little so his body was a bit lower, which made leaning on him hopefully also easier.

(He didn’t want to lose the contact, that spark of happiness in the dark cloud that seemed to envelop them, seemed to thunder above their heads, saying that the rain and storm were on their way.)

There was something wet hitting his shoulder as another sniffle left Gary’s lips.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is.” Gary fought back, croaked even, seeming to be on the verge of breaking.

“No, it isn’t. We and them were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. You didn’t kill them. It wasn’t you who took their lives away.”

It was the truth. He had seen today hundreds of lights disappearing from brave faces, he had seen smiles turning into grimaces, into startled mouths opened to scream and shout. He had seen the hope, the beautiful hope, flicker and die quickly under the sheer force that had bent their knees in the face of Death that simply had taken their hands and helped guide them to the other side.

There had been blood, so much blood and screams and shouts and pain and tears and misery and pain _and pain **and pain**_.

But it wasn’t their fault. And it definitely wasn’t Gary’s fault. Nor was it anyone else’s on their side.

Avocato slowly reached his hand, trying not to jostle his companion, and then rested it on Gary’s shoulder, bringing him in for a close hug.

He knew it wouldn’t fix anything in the world. It was broken apart, maybe beyond abilities to be repaired. Maybe they were on the way to doom, to their death, to the annihilation that would swipe them away. Maybe there was no hope in the future and every thread connecting their fingers would be burned.

But Avocato still decided to not lose hope.

He hugged Gary closer and let the tears flow down, freely, letting him cope with the loss, hopefully helping him overcome the traumatic moments of today.

He did it even when Gary fell asleep.

And if he carried Gary to his room, then who was here to see and judge him?

* * *

Avocato had problems with showing his true feelings. It probably, scratch that, definitely was due to the environment he had grown up in. Showing emotions, or worse, weakness had been unacceptable. They had had to be strong, they had had to be brave, they had had to do everything Lord Commander had said. Or else there had been painful consequences.

Showing emotions was a sign of the biggest trust.

(Only Little Cato had seen him crying.)

Yet Gary had done it. Showed him the biggest sign of trust someone could. He had believed him, leaned on him and showed what had been troubling his heart.

Avocato felt awfully happy and devastated about this idea, both in the same time.

Life after the fight, at least those few first days, wasn’t easy. The gloomy atmosphere seemed to be etched into the ship circuit. Everyone’s heads were down with hands tightening when a memory flew by. The never-ending presence of failure followed their every step.

But at least Quinn was with them.

Avocato expected her and Gary to spend every minute together, almost glued to a hip. He expected to see them kiss each other’s cheeks or foreheads or mouths, hug from time to time or simply glance at each other.

They did glance at each other, but with a different tone to it. There was no soft touches on the side, no quick smooches here and there, no desperate hand holding, nothing.

At first he thought that it was due to the atmosphere that walked around them, but it wasn’t that. It was something else, something deeper, gravity waves of emotions.

Something changed between them, that was for sure. But Avocato couldn’t make the heads or tails of it, nor did he think it was his place to ask, so he let the matter be.

(Some part of him was happy that they didn’t show their affection everywhere on the ship.)

It seemed that Quinn also had hard times with accommodating and fitting in with so many unfamiliar people around. She had the best contact with Hue, KVN and apparently Little Cato. With whom Avocato found her speaking quite a lot.

She was talking with him too, but there was always a tone of awkwardness to it.

“Hey, do you know where butter is?”

“That yellow thing which goes on the bread?” Avocato asked.

Quinn nodded, a little bit taken aback.

“Yeah, that.”

“In the cupboard on your right.”

Quinn turned and reached for the shelf.

“Why are you keeping butter in the cupboard? It should be in the fridge.”

Avocato shrugged.

“It’s pretty cold in the cupboard.”

Quinn glanced at the cupboard, then at the butter she now held in her hand, then one more time at the cupboard only to sigh loudly and flop down on the chair in front of Avocato.

He took another sip of his drink, looking through the news on the tablet in front of him. The bounties on their heads were increasing every day and Avocato wasn’t sure whether to be flattered by it or incredibly scared. Maybe a bit of both.

It seemed like Quinn wanted to say something as she was currently drilling holes in his head with her gaze and not making any sandwiches even though all the components were on the table. Avocato decided to let her start speaking whenever she wanted.

In the end she finally made sandwiches

So they sat there, eating, drinking, glancing through new information across the universe, until one of them broke.

Quinn cleared her throat and looked at him. There was something confusing in her eyes, a sudden resolve that didn’t want to be tamed nor couldn’t be controlled, a sudden pure strength that shimmered like a moon – reflecting the power of someone’s else, a sweet inspiration.

“Avocato, I…”

He lifted his head, looking at her and closing the news on the tablet.

The strength was still there, but it was mixed, couldn’t be really described, escaped every trap that the girl tried on it, playing with her like she was only but a mouse.

“I know we didn’t start on the best terms, but I want you to know that I…” She looked to the side, scratched her cheek, then moved the curls away from her forehead only to look him back in the eyes. “… I think you’re a good person and well… I trust you… with Gary and well… Yeah, I trust you.”

Okay. That was pretty… pretty strange to drop such a bomb in the middle of the morning, but at this point in life and with such a crew on the ship Avocato should get used to it. Only he didn’t, so now he only stared perplexed at the woman with his finger still floating in the space close to the tablet.

“Uhh… thanks?” He said slowly, not sure if it was the right answer to give in this situation, but it seemed okay enough to say it.

He wasn’t sure whether anyone should trust him. He had done very bad and terrible things. Really horrible things that plagued his mind during nights, woke him up with hands around his throat and blood splattering on his face. There were faces he knew he would never forget, eyes filled with fear and tears and mouths hanging open in a silent scream for help.

Avocato could never forget those poor souls.

(Avocato didn’t deserve to forget it.)

He didn’t think he deserved the trust everyone around was giving him. He didn’t deserve the amount of hope they were showing him when they were entering another fight. It was badly misplaced.

But they saw something in him he didn’t exactly could see himself.

And he wasn’t going to let them down this time, nor ever again.

Quinn smiled at him and Avocato noticed that it was probably the first time she had done it towards him. They had behaved normally around each other, or well tried to act normally, polite, nice, but there had been always something off about it.

Back at Galaxy One they had been more often seen jumping at each other’s throats with the difference in their perspective, with divergent weight of morals and hearts, but now, after so many things had happened and changed it seemed like they found a silver lining of understatement.

Plus seeing her face, alive, smiling calmed Avocato a little.

He had no doubt that Gary had to do something with Quinn changing her mind about him, but he wasn’t going to question it. He liked her and definitely preferred her covering his back with trust than pointing the gun at it.

* * *

Why and how Gary changed people’s opinions about Avocato was another mystery Avocato simply couldn’t solve. He didn’t have enough pieces, enough evidences to even form a proper theory around it. So he left it at that and accepted it as another Gary’s confusing trait.

Not that he minded that much. He wasn’t good with people and aliens and other life beings and forms.

Slowly Quinn found her place on the ship. There were still some awkward moments when she stared at Gary and he did it back with some kind of remorse in their eyes, but these were sparse.

Avocato wasn’t sure what had happened between them and he wasn’t really keen on asking about it. It was their private thing, he shouldn’t interfere.

(But he couldn’t stop himself from being a little bit curious. Because it seemed like they weren’t together. There was clearly a deep connection between them, but the spark was lost.

Avocato hated himself for felling hopeful.)

He paced around the ship slowly with a towel wrapped around his shoulders, hanging on the wet fur. Or mildly wet fut. He knew if he stayed longer in the drying chamber he would fall asleep, so he decided to finish drying himself with a towel.

The ship outside of the warm showers was cold, freezing even. It made all the wet hairs on his back and arms stand up, so he fastened his pace to get to his room quicker and turn on the heating to drift away into hopefully dreamless sleep.

Most doors were already closed, signaling Avocato that almost the whole crew was asleep. He didn’t mind, he got used to being the last one to do it.

(Often accompanied by Gary. They had spent quite a lot of nights playing cards in the main room of the ship.)

Gary’s room was open, which wasn’t actually that surprising. What was off was the soft light coming from between the small, thin gap that was there. What was even more astonishing was a soft tune sneaking between it and scattering across the floor, clearly coming from that room.

Avocato sneaked closer to the gap, being cautions of his steps and the sounds he was making, and leaned forward, stealing a peek inside.

He definitely didn’t expect to see it.

Gary was leaning on the wall, sitting on the bed and humming a soft tune under his nose as his eyes were illuminated by the holographic tablet he held in his hand and clearly read through. On his lap laid Little Cato, whole body curled and hidden almost fully under a blanket thrown over it. There was a steady rhythm of his heartbeat, mirrored in slow rises and falls of the chest, showing Avocato that the small Ventrexian was fully asleep.

That didn’t stop Gary from leisurely moving his hand through the cyan patch of fur on his son’s head, playing with the strands and scratching him behind the ear occasionally, which also flicked form time to time.

(There was also a small lamp in the corner, giving a soft hue to the whole room. Never turned off.)

Mooncake laid nearby the wall, squished between Gary and Little Cato and snoring peacefully, while giving a few sounds ever so often.

Avocato knew they were close. They had to be. Gary even had adopted his – their – son.

He had seen them interact a thousand times already.

But it didn’t stop the sudden beat of the heart from going haywire when he saw moments like that. Peaceful. Calm. Tranquil. Comforting. Fitting.

Gary looked utterly happy, moving his hand slowly while his eyes scanned the letters, coordination, galaxies and space stations nearby that they deeply needed to avoid. There was a tired smile, hiding in the corners of his mouth, in accompaniment of the hair standing in weird directions.

Little Cato exhaled slowly and snuggled closer.

Gary glanced down, smiled more and then returned to reading. Or at least he seemed to want to do that, but his eyes moved, glided along the small crack in the doorway and then their eyes met.

“Avocato?” Gary’s mouth said, barely letting the words out.

He didn’t have to be so quiet. When Little Cato was asleep even a comet crashing through the roof wouldn’t wake him up.

Should he step inside? There was no need for him to do that. He could wave his hand and let them be, give them much needed rest. But there was something enthralling in the picture he just had seen, something that called to him, something that made him want to be a part of it, not a spectator from the side.

It was a stupid need, but he simply couldn’t stop it.

So he opened the door a little, which hissed as it moved to make place for him to step inside.

“Hey.” He whispered.

“Hey to you too.” Gary murmured, showing him a line of white teeth. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I was taking a shower.” Avocato said and then pointed with his head at the lump laying in Gary’s lap. “I would ask you the same thing, but I can see you have your hands full.”

He chuckled, curling one strand of baby blue hair around his finger and brushing it with his thumb.

“Quite full indeed.” Gary said and then much softer added. “But I can’t say I mind.”

Little Cato tilted his head a little, like he was seeking the warmth that seeped from Gary’s fingers, and then moved to rest his cheek on the human’s stomach, one hand gripping the t-shirt, forming an ocean of wrinkles there.

Gary didn’t look like he minded. If anything he looked even happier than before.

The image, the atmosphere, the sweet warmness that seeped from Gary and Little Cato was so serene, so calming that Avocato’s heart just yearned to flop down on the bed next to them, lay his head down and lull away too. It was a deep need, powerful like a cosmic wave, thermic in its wake, even more endearing by the fact that he simply just had to step forward.

But –

“You can stay the night.” Gary suddenly said, not looking up at him, but staring fondly at the Ventrexian in his lap. Then it seemed like a sudden blast, a meteorite crashed in his mind, because he snapped his head up and mumbled. “If you… I mean… If you want to, of course.”

There was a soft hint, a delicate, darkish hue to Gary’s cheeks, navy blue in colors in the faint light coming from the holographic screen and lamp that just tore Avocato’s heart apart.

He didn’t want anything more than just that – no innuendos, no higher reason, no adult stuff that sometimes sneaked into his mind. Just a calm night shared with his loved ones.

No, he didn’t deserve that. He had hurt them enough. They were happy now, why should he interrupt this small piece of time filled with joy with his presence?

“No, it’s okay. I’m good.“ He wasn’t, but it wasn’t their problem either. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

Gary nodded, quickly replacing _something_ on his face with a small smile.

(It definitely hadn’t been sadness. Definitely not disappointment. It couldn’t be. Why should it even be there? No, Avocato had to be seeing things. He had to be. It was quite late and Avocato didn’t have enough sleep lately or like ever.)

“Yeah, uh, sure. Totally. We’ll see each other in the morning. I’m super fine with that.” Gary cleared his throat, moving the screen to hide his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Good night.”

Avocato smiled.

“Good night.”

And with that he left the room, feeling like he was leaving something precious behind.

* * *

It seemed like Gary almost naturally knew what Avocato wanted, even before he could simply form the thoughts. Or always seemed to know what to ask, shaping, molding the needs into the words.

A peculiar talent indeed. A rare one. A very confusing one.

Especially as it was getting harder and harder to resist some of them.

Avocato never had been a very touchy and warm person. Years of killing people could do that to living beings. They start to lose the sense of _humanity_ , they stop seeing the spark of life in the others and start treating them as a burden, a hindrance they need to take care of.

Avocato had hated himself for doing and thinking like that.

Living beings had been pawns he had had to destroy or move to another part of the board. Conceal emotions. Don’t think about their families or friends or loved ones. They had been just a collection of atoms, a cosmic dust, a moment, a light that needed to be blown out.

Then it had changed when Little Cato had been born. His whole world had shattered into thousand, if not million, pieces and had formed something entirely new. Not something stable at first, but Avocato immediately had known, right after seeing his little son, that he was going to try his damn hardest to make it all work.

He would steal a thousand stars for his son. He would break the space–time continuum. He would snap and tie back the strings of reality. He hadn’t always showed it. Hell, he probably never had showed it. A great mistake. One of the biggest mistakes of his life.

But he had gotten a second chance. Or well actually a third chance, maybe even a fourth one if he could count right. But these two in the middle didn’t count because he hadn’t been long enough here to actually use them.

Little Cato had been and was his sunshine, his hope, his sun, his moon, his gravity and his light. Everything he had done and did was for him.

Avocato loved spending time with Little Cato, whether it was eating breakfast or dinner, steering the ship, playing random games during games nights which happened almost every day or simply spending time while doing nothing.

Now unfortunately wasn’t one of those times, but Avocato still was going to enjoy it.

“And remember, if your gun jams, there is an additional one on your left.” Gary said, pointing at the holster hanging on Little Cato’s belt.

The Ventrexian sighed loudly and pushed Gary’s hand away.

“Dad, come on. I know how to shoot and I know where I have my weapons.”

Avocato smiled.

“Gary, chill. He’s a Cato, using guns is in our blood.”

Little Cato grinned to him.

“Oh is it now, Avocato? I clearly remember someone forgetting to bring his backup ammo for the last mission.” Gary said, straightening his back and crossing his arms on his chest.

Oh, he hit a point.

“I made it work in the end, didn’t I?” Avocato smirked.

“Throwing a gun at the enemy doesn’t count!” Gary huffed.

“Hey, if there is no ammo, you use whatever you can as an ammo.” Little Cato added, adorably grinning from ear to ear.

“Well said, son.”

Little Cato almost bubbled with excitement, jumping in place and whispering encouraging words to himself. There were sparks leaping from his eyes, shimmering for a second like burning particles of metal. He radiated energy like a comet moving through the space.

Gary sighed at that.

Avocato smiled under his nose and checked the energy stabilizer in his gun. There was nothing better than plasma weapons. Deadly, yet longer-lasting. A small ampule of energy was enough for many rounds of ammo.

“Can we go?” Little Cato asked, swinging back and forth on his heels.

Avocato was just about to answer that they should actually move to the drop zone, when Gary one more time butted in.

“Oh no, you can’t, bud. Not without your good luck charm.”

Little Cato stopped swinging and looked at the man, rolling his eyes brutally.

“Dad, no. I don’t need it!”

“Let me be the judge of that.” Gary frowned and then leaned to peck Little Cato quickly on the forehead.

The Ventrexian frowned, trying to look as disgusted as he could, but failing somewhere in the middle as the smile broke on his face, snapped it in two like a meteor.

“Dad, stop, you’re embarrassing me in front of everyone.” Little Cato whined, moving his hand to his forehead, but not brushing the place, only gently resting his paw there.

“You have to live with it.” Gary said, moving to straighten his back.

Avocato wasn’t sure exactly why he opened his mouth. Everything was fine and dandy, maybe even sweet due to the situation that had unfolded in front of him like a Mobius strip, and he had to break it.

(Maybe the needs that had been locked inside of him finally had enough and found a small opening in the corner, clawing their way out. Maybe it was an urge to share something similar, something pure and sweet and calm and comforting all in the same time.)

“How come Little Cato got a good luck kiss, but I didn’t?”

And he failed miserably. Someone give him a round of applause.

The hangar, previously filled with so many voices, became instantly quiet, silent as space spreading behind these metal walls.

Avocato’s heart stopped beating for a moment after the words had left his mouth. There was a hollow void inside his chest, an emptiness that sucked everything into it. A sudden pause of the time which prolonged the awkwardness into infinity.

Gary looked at him with the mouth a little bit open and eyes wide as moons.

Avocato clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, trying to come up with an idea on how to get back his words. Maybe he should play it as a joke? Would laughing work? Maybe he simply can pretend that he hadn’t said that? He just had to do something to escape the sudden stillness that had appeared inside the hangar.

But before he could do anything, Gary moved closer and nervously smiled.

“Well when you put it like that, I admit it wasn’t fair.”

Avocato felt like he was dreaming. Because he had to be dreaming. It couldn’t be real. There was no chance that he was actually awake and not turning on his bed. But if it was a dream then please let him sleep for at least one more minute.

Gary leaned up, moved closer, impossibly close, so close that Avocato could sense the warmness seeping from the human body, traveling, enveloping him. There was a familiar scent trailing after him, smell that made all his bones melt and mind become a galactic mush.

It was a short moment, a sudden spark of a dying star, or maybe the beginning of a new one, when the gases all combine to form an explosion that could make everyone kneel.

Gary pecked Avocato’s cheek, letting his lips stay there for a second or so, before slowly moving back, glancing hesitantly at Avocato like he wanted to gauge his reaction.

And well, Avocato was a lost man. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, thrumming loudly like an overworked engine that was on the tip of exhaustion. It hammered and knocked on his ribcage so vehemently that he was sure it was the most audible thing in the entire universe.

The place on his cheek was burning.

Gary smiled at him and stepped away, moving his one hand to scratch the back of his neck.

The silence stirred around them, until even it finally broke down.

“How come they get good luck kisses, but not me?” Fox suddenly asked.

“Hey, I was on a mission two weeks ago and I didn’t get any either.” Ash added, moving to her brother and crossing her arms.

“That is because you sneaked out, not went on a mission.” Gary quickly clarified, looking at her. “By the way you’re grounded for that, young lady.”

“There was a music festival on a planet nearby!”

“Still grounded!”

“And I still didn’t get my lucky kisses!” Fox whined.

Gary sighed, letting his shoulders drop like it was the most tedious thing to do. But the happiness, hiding in the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes sold him out.

“Come here then!”

Avocato observed fondly the ridiculousness of the situation in front of him, correcting the belt where his main weapons were situated. In the corner of his eyes he caught Little Cato looking at him, so he did the same, raising his eyebrow.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Little Cato said, in the voice that clearly indicated that ‘ _nothing_ ’ was clearly a lie.

Avocato wanted to pursue and continue the topic, but AVA announced they were getting closer to their destination.

His cheek burned long after that.

* * *

The affection was never his companion.

A side effect of working for Lord Commander. But that wasn’t the only reason. He had simply grown up while being taught that showing any kind of emotions led to disasters.

Life had quite confirmed those suspicions.

It always had seemed that whenever he had seek comfort and warmness the universe, the people around him and he himself had been punished for that.

(There had been times where he had been afraid of even trying to seek this kind of feelings from other people.)

Things had changed when Little Cato had been born and later on when he had fell in love with Gary Goodspeed.

For Little Cato Avocato would do everything, he would disintegrate and destroy every particle of fear inside of him if his son even needed a hug, pat on the back or comforting kiss on the nose. He had been there through every sickness and every heartbreak and every tears filled night. Until Little Cato had been ripped away from him.

Another confirmation of the suspicions.

But then Gary Goodspeed had appeared and helped him get his boy back, breaking the chain, smashing it to pieces with just a few words and things that couldn’t be described by them – words.

And somehow Gary knew how to sneak past his defenses to give enough amount of affection for Avocato to feel loved.

(Which was a dangerous thing, because after tasting it for the first time he needed more and more, finding urges and needs that plagued his mind.

Maybe it wasn’t a plague, but a calm home.)

Avocato couldn’t remember much from the time when he had been possessed by Invictus. He had bits and pieces here and there, tears in the continuum of space canvas with strings weaved together like a beautiful veil. The most he remembered were the beginning and the end.

(Shooting Gary, almost killing Gary, almost shooting Little Cato. No matter how many times he had apologized, the guilt was still there, a never-ending thread that had a start, but no end.)

Affection was something that should be familiar, yet wasn’t.

Gary patted the flashlight, which flickered and then died down, giving a few coughs of light at the end.

Avocato stared at it, furrowing his eyebrows. That was their last and only one flashlight. Avocato didn’t worry too much, he could see clearly in the dark, but humans couldn’t.

Gary swallowed hard

“It is dark as hell in there.” He murmured, staring into the epitome of darkness.

Avocato nodded.

“It is.”

“Do you think there are like super giant monsters that are gonna eat our brains and then make chairs out of our bones?”

“What?”

“It’s was a yes or no question, Avocato!”  
“I know, I was just surprised by it.” Avocato grumbled, atounded by Gary’s sudden outburst. “I suppose there is a possibility?’

“Oh no, we’re going to die.”

“I doubt it.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you have like twelve guns on you.”

“Eh, fourteen actually.” Avocato shrugged, loading one as he spoke.

“Even better!”

Avocato sighed, glanced into the dark abyss that spread in front of them, consuming every particle of matter that dared to go inside and then looked back at Gary who anxiously looked at the sight before him.

Gary was wriggling his hands together, playing with the hems of the sleeves as he stared at the entrance, mulling the idea over by biting his lip. His shoulders were tensed, the sudden stress almost precipitating on them. The picture was filled with the eyes jumping from left to right, desperately trying to find something to focus on for the next moment.

There was something off about the picture, something unfitting that wasn’t made to be here, like a fifth corner puzzle piece that you try to put in a square drawing.

Avocato stared for a good long minute, trying to locate the source of the problem, trying to find the root of the dilemma that clearly clung to Gary’s body.

He glanced at the cave, then back at Gary.

There was one possibility that was coming as the most plausible one here.

“Gary, are you afraid of the dark?”

The response was immediate.

“No! Me? Of course not! Definitely not! Nu huh!”

Avocato lifted his eyebrow, but put down the shotgun and then affixed it to his back, freeing both hands, so he could grab a smaller plasma hand pistol with his right one.

Gary massaged his one arm with the other hand, looking with his eyes at anything, but at the dark void that emerged in front of them.

Avocato reached with his left hand to Gary, letting his fingers twitch in the cold air of the planet.

“Come on, grab my hand and let’s get this over with, baby.”

It was said in a carefree tone, almost a joking one. But it was a play, a calculated deception to hide how much Avocato’s heart thrummed in his chest and how his mind become fuzzy at the simple prospect that they could hold hands.

Not to mention he wanted to be there for Gary if he needed him. Gary had been his support, his livewire, his lighthouse and familiar home since the moment they had seen each other and Avocato wanted to repay the debt.

He expected Gary to resist, maybe joke a bit, bicker back and forth, but he almost surged forward, clasping Avocato’s palm in both of his hands and holding tightly like he was a lifeline on a wide ocean.

Avocato wiggled his fingers a little, finding a better position and then looked towards the cave.

They moved forward, at first terribly slow, letting the light guide them for a few meters or so, before the void fully consumed every particle of light that tried to cross the boundary. It seemed like the darkness devoured all the wavelengths, letting no color inside. Only the cold, freezing blackness remained.

Even though the void expanded around them, filling every pore of their bodies, Avocato could see more or less clearly. For example he could see that there was a hole on the right after two meters and that if they didn’t move their heads down in ten meters they would hit their foreheads on the stone ceiling being suspiciously low.

The further they were walking, the more cold and freezing it was starting to be and the stronger the hold on his hand was getting.

Gary didn’t talk, as it seemed like every breath was a feat for him. A fatiguing experience that he wanted to stop doing. He was twitching and shivering all over his body, but whether it was due to the coldness or stress Avocato wasn’t sure.

Avocato squeezed back the fingers holding him, trying to send some comforting feelings and thoughts through the link.

Gary immediately gripped back, changing the hold so only one hand was interlocked with Avocato’s fingers.

They walked for a few more minutes. Exactly eight to be more precise, before Gary finally opened his mouth.

“I uh… at my home… I mean back on Earth… I lived uh… quite a long time without the electricity…”

“You did?” Avocato asked, hoping that Gary would catch a bait.

He moved his fingers a little in the hold.

“Oh yeah… After my dad died and my mom left me, I… I lived in our house for some time… I think that the Child Protective Services didn’t actually know I was left alone… They probably thought my mom was still living with me… even though she wasn’t…” Gary inhaled sharply. “I mean… it wasn’t so bad at the beginning…”

Avocato knew it wasn’t the truth. The drop of the tone, the sudden tightness in the voice, the hesitant shivers running through the fingertips sold Gary out.

“There was some spare money my dad had hidden in the vase with the fake succulents… So I used it to buy food and all the stuff…” There was an audible gulp next to him. “I was a kid back then… I didn’t know how rents or banks worked, that you need to pay for water and gas and such things… And well, after some time they…”

“Cut the electricity off?” Avocato finished, glancing tat Gary.

He wasn’t looking at anything per se, mostly staring at the ground that he couldn’t see, like by just focusing hard enough he could maybe spot the obstacles in his way.

“Uh… yeah… One day it randomly just disappeared during the evening. The house became so silent all of a sudden… I didn’t notice before but with it the house had been so loud. The fridge had been buzzing, the boiler had been bubbling, the AC had been hissing. But after that it all… quieted down. And I… I got so _so_ scared.” A sudden break. A hiss. A sniffle. “I felt so alone.”

Avocato couldn’t really imagine what it must have felt like, but he knew a lot about loneliness. A pesky feeling. A horrible companion. A hollow sensation.

Avocato had been alone for most of his life. He knew how isolation really felt like – a weight that held down, with the gravity pulling the strings towards the bottom from where there was no escape.

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He wasn’t good at this lifting up other people’s moods. He wasn’t good at being there for others, even though he tried desperately to do that. He simply wasn’t good enough.

But Avocato decided he wanted to try.

So he gripped the hand tighter, letting his thumb brush across the skin and tugging the human closer.

“This had to fucking suck.” He whispered and winced immediately after that.

Yep, Avocato wasn’t the best, he wasn’t even remotely good in _comforting people_ related stuff. It was always Gary’s thing to do, lifting people’s mood with a joke here, a pat there, a hug in-between, mixed with soft words.

In comparison Avocato was harsh and plain, cutting straight to the core.

Gary sniffed and moved his fingers, finding a better hold on Avocato’s palm.

“Yeah, it fucking sucked.”

Avocato wasn’t sure whether he was doing a good or terribly bad thing for his heart, but he tugged Gary closer, letting their shoulders brush, squeeze together like they were two pieces of a puzzle.

“You can hold onto me if you’re scared.” Avocato whispered, feeling like in the spreading void his voice was still ten times louder, shaking the waves in the air around them.

And he really meant it. He wanted to do that. He wanted to be that. Someone better. Someone more.

They weren’t living in calm times, no, they were far away from that. They had to escape countless bounty hunters and people with personal vengeances. They were wanted people, always on the run. The calm times were sparse with the rip to Final Space getting bigger and bigger with every passing day and Titans peeking curiously and dangerously at them from behind the broken threads.

All of them were scared. And all of them needed someone more.

Gary moved closer, wrapping his other hand around Avocato’s arm and almost snuggling him, but not letting go of his palm.

“Thanks.”

Avocato wanted to say that it was no problem, but his mouth failed him.

* * *

Not many people and aliens liked to talk with Avocato. He didn’t have problems with that. He wasn’t overly talkative person. He could keep up a conversation if he needed to and he could give orders, but beside that he preferred to remain silent.

Especially when it came to sharing something personal. This was a giant leap of trust he didn’t think anyone should do towards him.

Yet Gary did just that. He shared his secrets, fears, passions with Avocato like it was the most normal thing to do. And Avocato didn’t feel that he was good enough to be gifted with all of those things.

He didn’t deserve any of that. Gary should have come with it to other people on the crew, but not him. Definitely not him.

“Nightfall, Gary you have to jump!” Quinn, standing next to him, shouted into the mic, holding it closer to her mouth to be audible above the clouds of explosions going off around them.

The heavy breathing was getting louder in Avocato’s own com.

“We kinda have our hands full right now.” Came Nightfall’s voice, filled with huffs and puffs and sounds of blasters going on and on.

Avocato barely could distinguish words between the noises of gunshots going off inside and outside the headset.

“Leave them be. The station is going to collapse soon. We’ll open the hangar door and catch you.”

“You better do that, because I don’t really – Shit!”

Avocato glanced at Quinn and nodded to each other, putting on the helmets and fastening the security ropes to their backs. The hangar door opened with a hiss as the vacuum sucked the whole air from the room, almost pushing them outside with the sudden gust of the force. They both kept their place, holding onto rails with one hand and preparing a gun to fire with the other.

The cosmic station K–27β was in utter disarray. Or the part of it that was still intact was quickly dissipating, shaken by the explosions and fire that roamed freely along the surface. The last tank with oxygen was exploding, fueling the fire and letting it combust more.

Just outside the ship there was a landing platform, barely holding onto the rest of the construction. It was squeaking and wheezing as too many pairs of feet scrambled across it, jumping and running around, dancing the Danse Macabre while trying to remain alive.

“I see them.” Quinn whispered into the com in her helmet and glanced at Avocato.

He could see them too, getting closer to the end of the platform, splitting their attention between checking where they were going and observing the crowd of aliens following them.

Avocato readied the weapon and shot five bullets, each and every one hitting the aliens that were pointing their guns at Nightfall.

The woman turned back and her eyes widened. Nightfall then turned to Gary, who was pretty occupied with shooting the aliens which were closest to him, and said something to him, which they barely heard through the com due to the sudden waterfall of shots.

“Little Cato get us closer.” Avocato said.

“On it.”

The ship moved closer, with the open door to the hangar hovering a few meters below the end of the platform.

Quinn sent out another round of plasma bullets, freeing Gary from the sudden anguish that was coming their way.

“Jump, now!” Quinn shouted.

“Nightfall, go! I’ll keep them occupied!”

“But–“

Avocato could see Gary throwing a small parcel at her – the main goal of their mission – and then moving to the front.

“The platform isn’t going to hold much longer. Now!”

Nightfall nodded and then leaped from the stand into the hangar.

For a moment Avocato wanted to move to catch her, but knew better not to do that, as the woman perfectly rolled on the ground and landed in a position with the gun raised up to kill two aliens that were getting too close for comfort.

Avocato was impressed, but he couldn’t watch for much longer as he had more important matters to tend to.

“Gary, now it’s your turn.” He said into the com of his helmet.

“A moment, I’m kinda in a middle of something!” Gary wheezed, rolling across the ground when one alien tried to stomp on him.

The station rattled as another giant explosion made one third of the ship crumble down, letting it float away while still burning like a comet. The aliens, which were standing closer to the edges, swayed and then fell down, moving their hands around to try to find something to hold on or grabbing their necks as the oxygen thinned out and they were left with nothing to breathe.

“Gary, the station is going to collapse! Jump!”

Through the connection Gary groaned heavily as he got up from his almost laying position and quickly glanced back at the three of them waiting for him.

“Okay, but you better –“

Everything shuddered.

This explosion was bigger than the ones before. It was bigger than each and every one before. It shook and rattled and wheezed and screamed and broke until there was almost nothing left.

The following blast of energy that erupted from the core of the station sent the Crimson Light a several meters away, covering their faces with blazing hot air that almost made it hurt to remain there.

The reinforcement of the platform broke in a few places, bending the whole construction to the side and letting aliens slip and fall down to their doom.

Unfortunately Gary was one of them. His hands clawed the metal surface, trying to find some kind of support to hold onto and not fall into the hollowness of the space that would clearly consume him in mere seconds. There was a long red streak of blood that wasn’t there before, running slowly and dripping onto the shirt.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit–”

Nightfall attached the gun to her back and ran forward, stopping next to Quinn and looking around, trying to find some kind of solution to the problem.

Gary clung to a broken metal panel with his dear and precious life.

“Little Cato, can you bring us closer?” Quinn asked, voice trembling at the last tone.

“No, I can’t. Even a meter closer and the heat will start melting the engines! We need to get outta here, fast!”

“We can’t leave Gary!”

Avocato had an idea. It was a very crazy idea which required a lot of trust and strength. And an interstellar amount of faith.

But it was the best idea he had right now, so he hid his gun and said into the com.

“Gary, I need you to let go!”

“What?!” Gary shrieked, waving his feet around like he tried to find a ground or floor that simply wasn’t there.

“You need to let go. I’ll catch you, don’t worry!”

Quinn and Nightfall looked at him surprised, eyes widening for a second, only for the look to be replaced with understatement in the next moment.

To be honest Avocato expected Gary to put up a bigger fight. Maybe whine and yell, maybe angrily, maybe fearfully. He expected shouts that he was crazy. He expected something more, something tremendous.

Yet what he received was something greater than that.

“Okay, okay, I trust you. On three!”

When the _three_ came Gary let go of the metal panel and slipped, falling down into the void of the cosmos spreading beneath and around them.

Avocato had to be precise. A millisecond too fast or too late could cost him dearly. And he desperately didn’t want that. So he observed, waited patiently, twitched and recalculated everything one more time in his head, only to take a step back and then leap forward, clicking his boots to give himself a small boost.

There was a short spasm of time when he feared, when he was terribly afraid and scared that he was wrong, they he would miss and everything would be simply _not okay_.

But then he reached his hands forward, crashed into the body which fell down due to the last pull of gravity around the station that wheezed and coughed, giving out its final breath.

Avocato quickly wrapped his hands around the human, gripping tightly as not to accidentally let him slip past his fingers, due to the energy of the crash that made them swing down and then back and forth. His one hand moved higher to click a button and make a helmet envelope Gary’s head, who took a sweet deep breath when the material snuck into place.

The station crackled and shimmered with tiny burst of lights and flames going on in different sectors of the last remaining part of the construction that was now crumbling to its destruction.

It wasn’t a part of their plan, but well…

The rope holding them made them swing back and forth, straining itself at some parts, but nevertheless holding onto them strongly.

Avocato exhaled heavily, feeling the warm air coming from his own mouth on his face. His heart seemed like it tried to escape from his chest with the sudden rush of adrenaline that overtook his entire core. His hands subconsciously clung tighter to a body in his grasp.

Somewhere along the process Gary’s hands sneaked around him too and now tightened the hold on him.

Gary was breathing heavily too and if Avocato wasn’t mistaken he could feel the erratic heartbeat in his chest due to the close proximity.

“I got you, baby, I got you.” He whispered quietly, whether to himself or to Gary he wasn’t sure.

But the man definitely heard him as he let out a broken chuckle and lifted up his head.

And then he simply stared at Avocato. Stared for a long time with the blood still running down his forehead, across his cheek and chin to disappear in the folds of his clothes.

Yet there was something in his eyes, something enthralling, something exciting, something more that was burning in the nicest ways. Something familiar, yet never directed at him. Something comforting, yet scary, both in the same time.

“I may be a little lightheaded due to the hit to the head, but I must say that was hot as hell.”

“You almost dying while the station exploded in the background?” Avocato asked, raising his eyebrow, quite bewildered.

“No, not that. That was terrifying as fuck.”

There was a screech in their coms.

“We’re going to pull you in now, boys.”

The rope twitched and both of them were hauled back on the ship while Gary still looked at him with eyes shining and full of something Avocato couldn’t exactly name.

Or maybe that was wrong.

He was terrified to name it. Because if he did, it suddenly would become real.

And he was scared that he might be wrong.

* * *

Avocato wasn’t really an open person when it came to saying out loud things he was thinking. No, that was wrong. He was straight-forward, when someone asked about his opinion. He didn’t hit around bushes, preferring honest and painful truth to comfortable lie.

But there was a difference in the truth Avocato spoke and the truth Gary did.

He couldn’t really grab the concept. The point was Avocato had a lot of thoughts. They were cluttering his mind like tiny stars, swishing through the universe of his head. They were like cosmic dust and the matter that spread around. They were like meteorites, crashing on the surface of his tongue, they were like lonely comets, sometimes just passing through behind his eyes. But he kept them all behind his teeth, guarding them with pure passion. It was better to keep those thoughts for himself, hidden away from the world. They would bring him nothing good, just more awkwardness and hesitant laughs to hide what he was really feeling.

(Even when there were thousand things he wanted to say to Gary at very random parts of the day.)

Yet Gary seemed to just say out loud the first thing that popped into his mind. His sentences were often disjointed, messy, barely holding themselves together. Yet they were honest and comforting, warm at the finishing syllables, sometimes having a joking undertone.

But he always could say things that were on his mind and almost never seemed ashamed of doing so.

Which didn’t exactly help Avocato that much. When those were simple things, it was okay. A short compliment here and there was okay. Gary was naturally that kind of a person. Plus he always complimented other people too – Quinn, Nightfall, Hue, Mooncake and AVA.

Never KVN.

(Little Cato, Ash and Fox didn’t count. It seemed like if Gary could, he would shower them with praises. It seemed that after adopting Little Cato some kind of _dad mode_ had been turned on and even since he couldn’t stop. Not that anyone minded, no matter how many times they groaned.)

Yet there was something different in a way Gary said things to him.

Or maybe Avocato was simply adding something, giving bigger and different meaning to things that were happening around him.

The whole point was that Gary was incredibly confusing. He did things that Avocato couldn’t clearly explain, nor could he understand. He did things that introduced other, different thoughts inside of Avocato. He did things that just fueled the hope that was sparkling, coming to life in his chest, like a star that was only now being born due to masses of gases gathering and mixing together.

He did things and Avocato yearned.

And it was a dangerous thing. Something that was slowly slipping through the fingers of his control, like a fog, a dust or a smoke, sublimating from something that had been once solid.

“Hey Brocato, what are you doing?”

“Oh uh staring?”

Avocato wasn’t sure how to answer that. He just had stopped walking from the control room to his room as the cloud of thoughts swarmed through his head. He had no higher reason than needing a break to simply think.

Gary smiled at him and then turned his head to look at the window where the never-ending cosmos was spreading around them, getting bigger and bigger with every passing second, consuming matter and atoms in its wake and forming something new, something incredible, dangerous, terrifying and exciting all in the same time.

But to be fair Avocato wasn’t staring at the universe. His eyes just wandered there to find some kind of buoyant to hook himself in just in case his mind would take him far away.

“Mind if I join in?” Gary asked, glancing at him and then returning his gaze to the vastness.

Avocato shrugged, feeling as his heart jumped high in his throat.

“You’re the Captain here.”

To be honest it was mean to be a joke. If anything Nightfall was the captain of the ship, the fearless leader who knew what fear tasted like, the strongest soul that knew the devastation and horrors of the world.

But Gary was, well, still close to the position.

And the sudden grin that he showed him was worth it, even if Gary didn’t exactly take it as a joke. Maybe it was better this way. The way where he could see that blinding, radiating smile.

So they stood next to each other, staring, looking at the universe, their closest companion and their biggest enemy, the greatest gift and the most terrible unknown that was there, ever changing, never a constant, always moving, shifting, switching.

But there was beauty to it.

For Avocato for a long time space and planets had been things to conquer, things to destroy, things that had marginal value if they hadn’t wanted to obey their laws.

However that had been wrong. He had known it back then. He knew it now.

Yet somehow he had never stopped to really admire what was in front of them, next to them and guiding them with the hands on their backs. Until now.

They didn’t speak for quite a long time. Too long time to call it comfortable. Even Avocato started to sense the awkwardness in a form of small prickles on his arms. He moved his hand to rub one shoulder and dared to steal a glance at Gary.

Who looked mesmerized as he looked into space. His eyes were so wide and there was this childish glint in them, a sudden spark, a collision of atoms which formed something incredibly new. It was a joy and fear, a happiness and nervousness, electrons and protons mixing together.

And Avocato felt pulled in, felt like there was a gravitational field so strong, so deep that he couldn’t fight it. It was tugging him forward and forward, closer and closer. Maybe in the end he was falling, moving fast through the hollowness towards the source.

But in this very moment he didn’t mind.

Avocato leaned closer, feeling the tug on his chest that dared him to go forward and he really wanted to do it. He was so close, so _so_ close that he could count all the small scars on Gary’s face.

“It’s scary, isn’t it?”

Avocato blinked and moved quickly back, like a backslash of warm smoke and cosmic dust hit him in the face.

“What, what is scary?” He asked, feeling the need to clear his throat but stopping himself from doing so.

“Space, cosmos, universe…” Gary lifted his hands and swung them at the window. “… is scary.”

“I thought you loved it.”

“I did… I do…” He said, waving his metallic hand around like he tried to find the perfect words, the most suitable combination. “But it doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of it. Because I’m like hella super afraid of it.”

“Why are you scared of it?” Avocato asked, partly genuinely curious, partly to cover the sudden heat that covered his cheeks.

“Well uh for first it’s pretty big. Like super big. Enormous even!”

“And it’s still expanding.”

“Yeah, yeah, so it’s like totally super giant and like we are so incredibly tiny and small and in the biggest picture it doesn’t terrify you? The scale of it? This super big unknown around you?”

Avocato never really had thought about it. He had had bigger problems and worries to tend to before. And now, now he also thought about other things.

“I suppose so? I’m not sure, I never thought about it to be honest.” Avocato said, whispered it even as he stared at the world. Their world.

“Oh.”

There was a beat of silence, a sudden stillness to the air. It almost seemed like the space was inside the ship, wrapping them in its embrace and blocking all the sounds from moving through it.

“Are you scared now?” Avocato asked instead.

Gary glanced at him and shrugged.

“Depending on what you’re asking about.”

“Of space.”

“Not all the time, I’m not. Just when I start to really think about it.” Gary sighed and then moved his hand to scratch the back of his head. “Mostly when I was a kid and space was some faraway place I couldn’t exactly reach. Back then it really, really terrified me. Now the feeling is a little bit smaller. You know, not mini smaller but smaller.”

Avocato could understand the implication behind it, the hidden meaning, the truth radiating behind the words like some kind of wave made of invisible particle. The fear that had moved through the atmosphere was still there. Maybe in the end it never had left Gary’s body, his bones and muscles, had weaved itself into his heart.

It seemed like an everlasting patron on their journey.

“I mean, to be fair a lot of things scare me.” Gary continued, sniffing a bit. ”Now that I said it out loud, I noticed how dumb it sounded. Gosh, sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, you can just forget about it –“ The words poured from his mouth, swirling in the air, transforming into something new, something that coursed through Gary’s body and was making it tense and strain and Avocato didn’t want to see it.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He quickly said, moving his hand to put it on the human’s shoulder stopping the quivering movements that suddenly rattled the body. “Fear is normal.”

“Easy for you to say. You don’t look scared at all.” Gary huffed, hinting on a joking tone, but a sudden shiver appearing in the last word sold him out.

But Avocato was scared. He had been and was scared so many times. His life was a never ending stream of moments filled with terror so dark that sometimes it seemed like it could swallow him whole. A black hole that pulled everything into it.

“Very flattering of you to say, but I’m terrified like most of the time.” Avocato said, feeling the words scratching his throat.

Avocato felt really vulnerable.

“Really?” Gary asked, glancing at him.

There was something in his eyes, some hidden need, some kind of pulse that thrummed and beat and vibrated. Some kind of emotion Avocato couldn’t exactly name. Just _something_ that made Avocato all messy inside.

Maybe it was hope, some kind of pure hope that crashed and rolled and dove, trying to catch onto something. Like a shooting star, terrified to fall down and yet hoping to rest on a safe land.

It was blinding, but it was also so _so_ warm. Intoxicating, but sweet and bitter. Confusing, but familiar.

And it was true. Avocato had been and was afraid of many things. He was afraid of deep waters. He was afraid of losing his son, losing Gary, losing the crew and losing hope. He was afraid of new things and old stories. He was afraid to make choices that could tip the scale. He was afraid of the road they were taking.

But he wasn’t going to let that stop him from staying here.

So he nodded.

“Really.” He said, sliding his hand down, letting it hang near his body.

There was another pause, a sudden thrum of the cosmic heart that shook the universe. It was the silence which spread around them that made him focus on the heavily beating heart, on the warmness seeping into his fur and bones from the close proximity of the human, on the abrupt stillness and strange force that pushed them forward through time and space.

To where, they didn’t know.

There was a cold, a sudden stinging sensation near his paw, like a comet touched his fur, but then it quickly seeped into something warm. The feeling rested there, barely touching his skin for a few seconds, testing the ground, before it snuck closer, wrapping itself around Avocato’s palm and delicately laying there.

Avocato didn’t have to look down to know Gary caught his hand.

“You know, we can be scared together.” Gary quietly said, the voice almost lost to the stillness. “I know that won’t make the fear disappear, but well it could make it more tolerable. You know, sharing it with someone. And that someone could be me. So you know you wouldn’t have to be so scared anymore.”

Avocato let out a small laugh, a sudden chortle that seemed to simply rip out of his chest, tore through his throat like a rogue.

“Uh rude.” Gary said and moved his hand to dislocate it from Avocato’s palm.

But he didn’t let go. Avocato didn’t let him escape. He moved his fingers, interlocking them with Gary’s ones and gripping softly as to show that he was there. That he didn’t mean anything bad by it. That it was a reaction that simply had happened.

Gary stopped moving.

“Ah uh sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, it just sounded ridiculous.”

Gary glared at him and Avocato simply knew that the man wanted to disappear.

So before Gary could pull away, he turned to the window and stared at the vast and scary space that was spreading in front of them.

“But I like it. Let’s be scared together.”

Avocato wanted and yearned and all his resolves were crumbling.

Gary was confusing like that, being able to destroy his every wall without even thinking and trying too much.

Avocato looked at the cosmos spreading in front of them, the vastness of possibilities and dangers and happiness and fear. And in this mess and haze he noticed a lone object falling down, leaving a sparkling trace after itself, disappearing a mere second later.

Gary tightened the grip on his hand.

For now he felt comfortable. He felt calm and content, even though there was a storm going outside. Their future was an unknown, it was an enigma, an undiscovered particle moving through the world.

But he had people he trusted around him. People he wanted to protect. People who were there for him. People he loved deeply. And, oh, how Avocato wished things would stay the same.

Only he knew it was wishful thinking.

_to be continued_


	2. Part II

Avocato was confused. It was a feeling he got familiar with. Welcomed even. Comforting. Soft as a delicate hue coming from the cosmic dust. Similar to a warmness of a sun touching the skin.

But that confusion this time rested in him. In his behavior. In his way of perceiving the world. He was fairly sure he knew himself to the deepest core. He knew all the ticks, all the gears, all the hidden doors that he had shut and then had covered with wooden planks.

He thought he knew himself entirely. That he knew his needs and when he could stop.

But he was never so wrong.

He had thought that what he had been feeling had been a passing trace, a sudden momentum, a guest that had popped in for a light coffee and tea before going on its merry way. But the feeling had stayed for days, then for weeks which slowly had morphed into months.

It stayed even now.

And the feeling was getting stronger. It had found a warm, cozy home inside his heart and didn’t plan on leaving.

Avocato was confused about that.

“Everything alright, dad?”

“Yeah, uh, sure, everything is okay.”

“Are you really very much incredibly sure?” Little Cato nudged, looking up at him with cunning eyes.

“I think Gary is rubbing off on you.” Avocato sighed.

“Am I doing what now?” Gary asked, leaning above table to glance at them.

It took a lot from Avocato to not suddenly jump in place, but he did indeed feel the fur on his back standing up. How had he not noticed or heard Gary walking up to him, while he had been observing him literally ten seconds ago, was a mystery.

Damn, that sounded bad. He hadn’t been staring at Gary in any weird way, he had been just staring and Gary had happened to be in his line of vision.

(It was a lie he was telling himself everyday to feel better, but it rarely worked nowadays. It rarely had worked in the past.)

“Dad is saying that you rub off on me too much.” Little Cato said, swishing his tail back and forth and resting his paws on the table to hoist himself higher.

“And is that a bad thing?” Gary hesitantly asked, lifting his eyebrow and glancing at Avocato.

He swallowed hard.

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just… he has a lot of similar to yours behaviors right now. Not necessarily bad.” Avocato sighed. He really felt like he was explaining things to kids. Which was true only in one case.

Gary suddenly burst. In the good meaning of this word. His mouth stretched in a wide grin, so wide and bright that it would shadow even the brightest sun. His hand moved to wrap around Little Cato, who yelped in return, not expecting a sudden show of affection.

“Aww our little boy is finally taking after the more handsome dad.” Gary cooed, moving his fingers through the blue locks.

“Dad, stop. ugh, you’re messing my hair!” Little Cato whined, trying to swat the attacking hand away.

“You don’t know that natural look is the latest trend in fashion!?”

“Who told you that?”

“Ash?”

Little Cato sighed.

“Don’t listen to Ash.”

“Why shouldn’t dad listen to me?”

Everyone turned their heads in the direction of the door where Ash stood, looking at them with quite bored look.

Little Cato huffed.

“Because clearly you give bad fashion advices.”

“Pff says who.” The girl snorted, grinning delicately, although a little bit maliciously. “A person who thinks that jeans with holes are stylish.”

Avocato would be a bit angry that she was speaking to his son like that, if he didn’t actually start to like her too. She had fire inside of her and he respected that. Plus Little Cato never was offended by their bickers, so why should Avocato be? His son could clearly stand his own ground when he wanted to.

“Hey, those are stylish.” Little Cato said, although his voice was a tad quieter and more uneven than before.

“In your dreams.” Ash smirked at him. “Now when we come to dreams, I walked past your room a few nights ago and I heard quite–“

One interesting thing about Ventrexians – they were fast. Lightning fast if they felt that they were in any danger. The muscles could contract ten times faster than usual after the instinct went off and the small doze of hormones got into the head.

Just like right now, when Little Cato leaped toward the door, reaching with his hands to shush Ash by clapping his paws across the mouth.

And clearly the girl knew what kind of reaction she was getting from his son. Because she was prepared for it, laughing like crazy while floating away from the common room, leaving pinkish clouds after herself and angry shouts coming from Little Cato who followed her.

So that was an interesting development.

“That was well… that was something.” Gary coughed, clearing his throat first and then glancing at Avocato.

Who wanted to look away, but found out that he couldn’t.

“ _Something_ is definitely a good word to use here, yes.”

The male laughed, a short sound that seemed to rattle the chest – a tad embarrassed, a tad hesitant, but still warm.

“Kids.”

Avocato only smiled in return.

Gary grabbed a tablet from the table and clicked a few buttons on the screen, coming up with a map of the nearest galaxy and the star systems. A soft bluish hue lighted up his face, making the wrinkles beneath the eyes and around the mouth more visible than before.

(They had to land somewhere to fill the tanks. And the ship also needed some repairs, so spare parts would be also greatly needed. Luckily currently they were far away from any enemy.)

Gary moved his fingers across the screen, enlarging a specific part of the map and looking closer at the plants inhabiting this part of the universe. His mouth moved, almost like he was speaking to himself, but no words were coming out. The eyebrows furrowed, got closer to each other and then smoothened when a sweet grin split the lips and eyes shone with happiness.

It often happened when Gary came up with a plan.

There were another several quick taps, sudden blink of the eyes, spark so bright that it could put any sun to shame, another soft snort leaving the lips, accompanying that grin which simply took Avocato’s breath away whenever he was seeing it.

It made him want to do things, things he shouldn’t be doing. Yet the traitorous images, ideas, possibilities still sneaked into his mind, making a comfortable nest there, nearby his ears, so they could whisper sweet promises into them.

A tilt to the right, three blinks, a twitch of the nose, similar to a sniff, puffed out cheeks, turn to the left, a scratch on the chin, pinched lips, confusion clearly written in the eyes, replaced quickly by an understatement.

He wondered if Little Cato caught up to Ash.

“Is there something on my face?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been starring, so I assumed that I you know… I have something there.” Gary said, clearing his throat first and then lifting his face up from the screen.

Avocato’s brain lagged, with errors jumping in front of his eyes.

“I… no, ugh… you have nothing there. I just got lost in thoughts. And you just happened to be in my line of vision.”

It wasn’t that, but the truth was even worse. Worse than black hole pulling in. Worse than the blazing heat of the nearest star.

And it had to be Avocato’s eyes playing tricks on him. Some kind of error in the space-time line of events. Some mistake during the formation of atoms. Because he could swear he saw Gary being sad about Avocato’s answer. But it couldn’t be possible. He couldn’t be dishearten about such thing.

He simply couldn’t.

“Oh okay.”

Gary returned to scrolling through the screen.

Avocato took off the gun from his belt, put it on the counter and started to disassemble it, cleaning specific parts which were rusted due to the passing time.

They sat in the room for a pretty long time, not speaking, just being there, with Gary scrolling through the tablet and Avocato simply cleaning the gun.

Yet Avocato couldn’t simply stop himself from stealing a few glances at his companion. And whenever theirs stares crossed, his mind played another set of tricks on him as he was seeing Gary blush a bit and smiling wider under his nose.

* * *

Avocato wasn’t a very emotional being. Living and serving Lord Commander had been a tough life, a never ending enigma filled with cold stress that could break the bones and force the hearts into submission. Emotions had been something that had had to be kept under control.

Avocato had known the drill.

But when it came to Gary it seemed like all the lessons slipped past his mind, leaving only an empty space in the notebook. An hollow spot on the orbital after electron jumped off.

Gary made him want to do stuff he normally wouldn’t want.

Observing had been one of the most basic tasks he had had to do while being under Lord Commander’s rule. He had had to be constantly on watch, observing the situation in front of him, behind his right and left shoulder, beneath his feet and above his head, searching for any kind of anomalies. One mistake could cost him life.

Avocato was used to observing, knew for what to search, what kind of behaviors were suspicious, for what types of abnormalities to look in people, aliens and all other types.

But observing Gary had other annotations, other grounds beneath it.

He did it because he simply liked it, nothing more, nothing less. He could get lost in the time as he stared, feeling his heart beating loudly behind his ribcage, playing some strange cacophony that drummed through the bones and muscles.

He observed because it was safe. Only staring didn’t mean anything. It was just staring. Something natural. Something living beings did. And what if he was noticing things other didn’t – muscles nearby nose tensing as Gary had seen something displeasing or sudden twitch of lips as HUE was telling a joke. These were normal things. Ventrexians were perceptive, it didn’t mean much.

(Only the meaning had been set so long ago and Avocato was denying it on every step.)

Gary had one job.

One fucking job. Not getting lost. A simple job. Anyone could do it by following one of the teammates, family members even, holding onto their skirts or belts. It was an easy task, anyone could do it.

But not Gary. Definitely not Gary.

He just simply had to disappear in the middle of a fucking alien market, where the wanted posters with their faces were hanging everywhere.

“When I’ll see him I’m going to kill him so hard –“

“Not unless I’ll find him first.” Avocato mumbled, peeking into a space between the stalls.

Quinn glanced at him, but didn’t comment it.

They had been walking around the market for what seemed like hours, searching for the familiar mop of blond hair, dirty boots, brown jacket or metal hand sticking out of the crowd. With no luck.

“Seriously, you give this dumbass one job. One! Don’t get lost. Keep close to one of us and what does he do?” Quinn continued speaking with the words pouring from her mouth like atoms.

“He disappears.” Avocato gladly helped, muttering under his nose and turning his head left and right.

“He disappears, exactly!” Quinn sighed, pushing her hair away as she came to a stop at the intersection, because a wooden cart was just about to run her over. “He is probably laying in some ditch right now, with his insides out.”

The image wasn’t that pleasing, but unfortunately Avocato had to say it may be closer to the truth than they wanted.

He didn’t say anything, but nudged Quinn and they both ran forward, glancing frantically around, searching for the familiar hair, face, leg, hand, voice, just anything!

Nothing.

Gary could be already being shipped on an enemy ship towards the Lord Commander’s planet or nearby station, bound and beaten, with blood dripping from broken arm and legs. He could be laying in the dirt somewhere, already dead with ribs hollowed out by forceful kicks and covered with holes in size of bullets! He could be bleeding somewhere and they were –

“Avocato? Hey, wait up!”

Only now he noticed that he had been a good few meters away from Quinn who was now running to him, kinda out of breath.

Avocato tightened his fists.

“Okay…” Quinn inhaled deeply, touching her chest while exhaling later on. Her hands moved to a device on her wrist and brought up a holographic image of the area. “Clearly searching together doesn’t work, so we need to split up. I’ll take the north, and you’ll take the south part.” She continued, pointing at specific areas.

Avocato nodded. He liked that about Quinn, always being level-headed in stressful situations.

(Avocato usually was too, but there was something about Gary and Little Cato that made him frenzy inside. That made him suddenly hyper aware of all the possibilities that could be happening and he would be too slow, too far away, too incompetent to –)

“Hey, hey, woah, tiger, slow down your breathing. We’re going to find him! He’s probably alright, talking with some stranger about caterpillars or whatnots.”

Avocato felt her palm on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I know, I know.” He said, moving his hand to pinch the eyes. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Quinn added, smiling to him, probably hoping for a small joke, but Avocato wasn’t in a mood for jokes. “Hold tight, everything is going to be alright.” She turned off the holographic screen. “Meet me here in an hour?”

“Sure.”

Quinn sent him another smile and then swirled on her heel to run in the other direction.

Avocato turned too, took a few deep breaths to calm his racing mind and also started to move.

Time ticked by as Avocato passed stall after stall, maneuvering around bodies of various aliens. Their chatters were getting louder in his head with every step as his senses sparked to life. His eyes moved from left to right, needing only a sparse millisecond to assess the situation in front of him.

No sight of Gary here and here and here. He wasn’t in any alley Avocato checked. He wasn’t also nearby any stall that he passed.

He just had disappeared. Avocato knew that it wasn’t possible, but he didn’t have any other explanation than Gary disappearing from the planet, atoms of his being dismantling, moving away from each other, making the coherent image lose focus.

It wasn’t possible, but right now Avocato would believe it.

It was better to believe that Gary just had disappeared than that he was being brutally punched while being on his way to Lord Commander and Invictus. It was better to think he peacefully dispersed the molecules across the universe than to imagine cold shackles on bruised wrists with blood seeping from cuts across the abdomen.

Avocato ran and searched and ran and searched and ran with no good results. The images were getting worse in his head, the possibilities, the futures that could be unfolding in front of them more terrifying than anything he had lived through before.

(The last time he had felt like that had been when Lord Commander had taken Little Cato, had snapped him from his grasp like a rag doll and had hung above his unable to reach hands.)

The hour was coming to an end and Avocato was now one hundred percent sure that something had happened, that he had been too late, that the cold eyes were now blindly staring at the universe unfolding in front of him which –

“Twenty Roxanian rubles and we have a deal!”

“I told you sir one hundred times and I’ll tell you one hundred more. One thousand Roxanian rubles and you can have it. Other way no deal!”

“Twenty one?”

Avocato halted in his steps, almost crashing into some old lady who started cursing at him, and backed away to glance into an alleyway filled with shops, randomly laying boxes, vases, buckets and more.

And there, in the middle of it, standing in front of a small alien was Gary, with red cheeks as he flipped through the money in his hands.

Avocato would be relieved if the anger didn’t spike first, taking control over the fear that had spurted inside his body, forming a new, burning star. His feet quickly took him closer to the human who still didn’t notice his presence.

“No deal, mister.”

“Twenty one and a cool looking rock?”

“I already said –“

“Gary.”

Both Gary and the vendor turned their heads to Avocato.

“Oh hey man, I was just trying to buy…” The words halted in Gary’s mouth, gluing themselves to the tongue. “Is everything alright?”

Alright? Alright?! Gary dared to ask if everything was alright after he and Quinn had spent almost two hours searching for him!?

Avocato felt like exploding.

But in the end he only grabbed Gary’s hand and dragged him out of the alleyway and through the stalls towards the meeting point Quinn had assigned, holding tightly, maybe a little bit too forcefully.

But that grasp was a promise, was a confirmation that all the atoms were there, that Gary was fine, that he was trying to keep up with Avocato’s quick pace while tripping a few times. Everything was alright, no crew member was missing. Gary was there, behind him, walking, breathing, living. Nothing happened.

“Hey, Avocato, could you slow down a bit, let a human being catch up with you.”

But Avocato didn’t slow down, only tightened the grip and moved through the crowd, pushing aliens around.

There was a small gap between buildings, allowing easily for two people or alien beings to pass through, away from the curious eyes of the guards still looking for them.

Avocato directed their steps there, finding no comfort in the voices of the crowd quieting a bit.

“Hey, hey, man come on, please stop for a moment, I need to catch a breath.”

Catch a breath? Catch a breath!? He could have been dead with lungs not being able to fill up ever again, laying in a pool of his own blood and Avocato would be too slow to save him –

“Avocato, bro, everything alright?”

He halted and then turned around to the human who was looking at him with perplexed look.

“What have you been thinking?” Avocato quietly asked, feeling the anger slowly moving to the surface. Similar to a rocket reaching the thermosphere.

Gary blinked.

“What?”

“What have you been thinking! We told you not to wander off and what do you do a few minutes after stepping out of the ship? Walk away!” It seemed that Avocato couldn’t stop, that the more he spoke the faster and louder he was getting. “You know that there are people looking for us, just waiting to chop our heads off, but no, you just walk away from us to argue with a seller! Did you even think about that! About us? Quinn and I have been looking for you everywhere for almost two hours!“ He felt the fatigue inside his bones, inside his throat, the anger and fear so audible in his voice which shook and trembled. “What were we supposed to think when you suddenly disappeared like that with the enemies everywhere around? What do you think we –“

And then there was a soft hand on his cheek, a warm, human, living palm touching his skin.

“Hey, hey, hey it’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disappear. I just saw something cool and you know… followed it.” Gary said in a quiet voice.

“You could have been dead.”

“But I’m clearly not.” Gary happily added, but quickly ducked his head when Avocato glared at him. “Sorry, that was… well that was shitty of me to do. Sorry. I shouldn’t do that.”

Avocato inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling awfully lightheaded with the fire burning in his mind. Everything was alright. Everything was okay. Gary was alive, standing right in front of him. His heart was beating and his cheeks were red and his lungs were working and everything was really okay.

So why was Avocato having problems with believing it?

“Hey, hey, bro, my man, calm down, everything is fine and dandy. See, I’m okay, I’m okay.” Gary spoke in that soft tone he often used while speaking to Little Cato or whispering tiny goodbyes to him and the rest of the younger crew at the end of the day.

Gary wrapped his own hand around Avocato’s paw, where the warmness mixed with the coldness of the metal, and he moved it through the air to rest on his chest which was slowly moving up and down.

Avocato glanced down and looked back up at Gary’s hesitant, blushing, but smiling face.

“See, I’m okay. Everything is alright.”

Avocato inhaled shakily and straightened his fingers, pressing them into the living body, spreading them and feeling the clothes rumple beneath the touch. The heat was emanating from the chest as it slowly rose and fell. Behind it was a lone echo, a beating sensation so familiar, yet strange that shook Avocato’s core, but then made it more calm than ever. A sound of a beating heart.

Avocato exhaled and flexed his hand, but not moved it away, opting on keeping it there.

Gary didn’t loosen the hold on it either.

“I’m alive. Everything is fine.”

“You could have been dead.”

“But I am not. I’m fine.”

Avocato closed his eyes and evened his breathing, letting the heartbeat reverberate in his hand.

Only after a few seconds he opened his eyes.

“Just don’t do it again.”

Gary grinned, brightly and warmly, making Avocato’s own heartbeat accelerate like a starting ship engine.

“I’ll try.”

Avocato let out a dry laugh and shook his head, keeping his hand on the chest a tad longer than necessary before dropping it.

Gary sent him another smile.

They started their steady journey back to Quinn one more time.

Only after exiting back into the loud world of the bright stalls, Avocato dared to ask:

“What grabbed your attention back there anyway?”

“Oh.” Gary said, opening his mouth a bit. “That guy there was selling Oppy and I tried to buy it.”

“Oppy?” Avocato parroted.

“Opportunity, one of the Mars rovers?”

“I have no fucking idea what that is.”

Gary pouted and started a very long explanation, describing in details exactly what he had seen back at the vendor’s stall.

Quinn was both happy and mad after meeting them and she didn’t wait a second to punch Gary hard, before sweeping him in a tight hug that almost crushed his ribs. And after getting to know the story, she even let out a broken laughter while hearing about Gary’s sudden affection.

“It couldn’t be the real Oppy.”

“Why not?”

“The real Oppy was like one and a half meters tall. And the one you saw was like what? Barely half a meter?”

“It could be the real Oppy but shrunken! Like Avocato shrank on that weird bioluminescent planet!”

“Whatever you say, Gary.” Quinn said, shrugging, clearly admitting to defeat.

Gary even argued that it had to be the real robot when they were walking back to the ship. He still did it when Avocato broke away from them, sent Quinn a quick message about his whereabouts and moved back to the stalls.

* * *

Avocato wasn’t a needy being per se. He clearly had his needs and things he wanted, but most of the time he could control it.

But when it came to safety it seemed like his mind was stopping working correctly, making him do things he normally wouldn’t do.

(Like buying that stupid piece of junk called Oppy Junior which now proudly roamed the ship, not doing anything productive or necessary, but putting smiles on some faces. And well keeping people safe by simply being there.)

Avocato had to admit he always had had a problem with worrying too much and trying to keep his sparse loved ones safe. He only had noticed it after Little Cato had been born. It had only taken him a second to know that he would do everything to protect that smile or grimace.

Back when he had been under Lord Commander’s command and Little Cato had been out late, Avocato had stayed up all night, waiting for his son to come back, pacing nervously around the house.

He had seen too much not to be worried. And in Little Cato’s case it all had been justified, considering what had happened in the end. Before all of that he had been scared, but then he had been terrified and horrified. It had been only a possibility before, yet his nightmares had become reality.

The chances were against them.

They had to admit that they were living in a state of constant fear, with Invictus and Lord Commander being only a few steps behind them, breathing onto their necks with sick smiles.

Avocato was overprotective. When he wasn’t sure what was happening with his close ones he was starting to panic, losing footing beneath himself.

At the beginning it had been only Little Cato, but then the circle had grown, expanded, swallowing more and more people. Like a black hole, using the gravitational field to pull everyone in.

Avocato couldn’t imagine losing his son. Neither could he imagine losing Gary.

So sometimes he could overreact. He could feel his mind getting frenzy and heart accelerate with the sudden need striking through it to do something.

“Faster!”

“I am going as fast as I can!”

“Well then we need to go even faster!”

“The engines won’t withstand it.”

“They are gaining on us!”

Gary huffed, tightening his grip on the stick. There were a few droplets of sweat rolling down the forehead and cheeks like comets about to crash down.

“Nightfall, how are our weapons?” Avocato asked into the mic, keeping it close to his mouth and staring at the cosmos becoming a blur behind the ship walls.

There was a creak and static jumping left and right.

“Almost dead. We don’t have much time.” The woman exhaled, clearly irritated by something.

A sudden explosion nearby quickly gave Avocato insight into what she was pissed about.

The whole ship shivered in its wake, moving spastically from left to right, while rotating.

AVA’s robotic voice echoed in the room.

“We’re taking critical damage. If we don’t move away soon I think we will be –“

“Toasted?” Hue proposed.

“Yes, toasted.”

Toasted was a faint and light word to use in their current situation. Avocato would say that they were currently staring into Death’s eyes and taunting her. But she was only staring at them, with a kind smile on her lips, like they were a bunch of kids playing on the playground.

(And maybe to her they were.)

“Gary!” Quinn hissed, gripping tightly her seat and looking through the window.

“I know, I know!”

Avocato could understand being terrified and stressed. He was scared too. Even more than scared. He felt the adrenaline taking control over his muscles, seizing them, making his brain work at top speed, forcing the oxygen through his lungs at faster pace. The sweat rolled down his paws and he wasn’t even the one piloting the ship.

Everyone could feel the bitter breath of death on their necks, a freezing blow that could overtake the core, make even the brightest star die and crumble down.

Gary bit down his lip, drawing blood.

“AVA I need you to activate the dimensional drop drive on my command and then after two hundred meters light fold the ship!”

“Gary –“

“Just… on my command.” The second part was added in a quieter tone of voice, almost like a plead that was thrown to the wind.

Everyone inside the bridge quieted down and tightened the grip on whatever they could hold onto without anyone prompting them too. Everyone was conscious of the consequences. Everyone also knew what would happen if they failed.

Avocato stared at Gary – at their so-called captain who had clung tightly to the role, to the position, to this point everyone had started to respect that.

(In the whole crew’s mind, at some point of their journey, this seat had been taken by an overly enthusiastic person.)

He stared at the furrowed eyebrows, at the scared, but focused eyes, at the pinched in a tight line lips with a drop of blood gathering at the corner, at the shaking hands which gripped tightly the controls, tighter and tighter and how Avocato wished he could –

“Now!”

It all happened almost in the blink of an eye. For a moment Avocato floated in a blissful state where gravitation was an abstract, something that was only a theory or an additional letter in a formula. Everything inside of him squeezed as images of his son jumped in front of his eyes, hoping that Little Cato was alright, that even if something happened he would be able to get out, escape, move far away from here, disperse somehow.

Avocato prayed that his son was alright.

His lungs hurt and his chest swelled as he desperately proportioned energy to the segments of the barrier which now really needed it, trying to protect the most important parts of the ship in the same time.

He felt like he was floating, like he was here and not, both in the same time. He was made of matter and antimatter, mixing and swirling together as the danger licked their necks, clawed their arms and wrapped them in a cold embrace, tightening the chains on the throats –

Then there was a burst of light, a sudden gravitational force pulling and pushing, a yell somewhere, his hand tightening the grip on the console, a sudden fear, a cascade of sparks, a wind and a desperation so bright that Avocato was afraid everyone could see it.

And as fast as it all started, it was gone. The tension, the anticipation, the pressure, the magnitude, it all was gone.

They were drifting slowly through the cosmos, together, alone, alive.

“Engines are in critical condition. We are unable to move forward.” AVA said robotically above them. Then like an afterthought, very lightly added. “But at least we’re alive.”

They were alive. And away from danger.

Avocato moved away from the controls, letting the barrier drop, disintegrate into holographic pixels first and then into nothingness. His hands were shaking terribly, so much that even brushing his forehead was a task. His throat was a mess, tightened to the brim, barely letting any air pass through.

The whole bridge was dead quiet for a moment, a short, tensed moment where they all prepared themselves for the worst. But the worst didn’t come.

They were alone in this part of the universe.

“We did it?” Quinn hesitantly asked, trying to loosen the grip she had on her chair, but failing.

“We really survived?” Ash slowly whispered, holding tightly onto the wall.

AVA hummed above them.

“No sign of any enemy ship in this quadron.” A short buzz of calculations. “We’re safe for now.”

Another short spasm of time enveloped them, caressing the sweaty hairs and pecking wrinkled foreheads.

Then a long sigh left Quinn’s lips.

“I… I need a drink.”

“Count me in.” Ash added.

Quinn somehow got out of her seat, swaying as she did so while stealing a glance at the girl.

“Are you… even allowed to drink?”

“After a day like today? Definitely.”

“Fair enough.” Quinn nodded.

Both of them exited the bridge, glancing at the rest of the crew for a moment.

Avocato still needed a few minutes to defuse. Still needed a coherent thought to pop into his mind which would get rid of the dark clouds. It seemed like his mind couldn’t exactly calm down. He felt like they were still on the edge, almost tipping over.

There was a quiet whisper coming from the com.

“Dads, are you coming?” Little Cato asked.

Avocato shook his head, trying to clear it.

“Yeah, yeah, in a moment.”

A short break.

“Dad?” Their son hesitantly inquired.

Avocato glanced to his side at Gary who still clung to the controls, staring at the cosmos spreading behind the window.

A hum of machinery resonated in the space between them.

“Gary?” Avocato tried, whispering it first.

It did little to nothing. Cross that. It did nothing. Gary still stared with wide eyes at something that wasn’t there, with hands tightening the grip on the controls. He seemed frozen in time, drowning in below two hundred and seventy degrees temperature in the space-time continuum, not being conscious of anything that was happening around him.

“Gary?”

Still no response.

Avocato stood up, moved to Gary, dragging his feet beneath him and feeling his tail barely twitching in curiosity and fear of what was about to happen, and raised his hand to touch the man when –

The door swished open and Little Cato barged inside, looking around.

“Little Cato?” Avocato asked, glancing at his son.

The boy quickly moved closer, lifted his hand, but stopped midway, not even touching Gary, but furrowing his eyebrows. His ears flicked back and forth, with whiskers moving hesitantly as a pout appeared on the mouth, crossing it like a shooting star.

“Dad, can you like… go with the rest?”

“But I –“

“Please, I’ve… got it.”

Avocato wasn’t sure what was happening. He hadn’t been here, alive, long enough to know everything. He simply knew that something was off and he wasn’t sure what to do.

Even though he wanted to do something.

Yet Little Cato looked at him with pleading eyes, with resolve so strong that Avocato bent beneath it and nodded.

“Okay.”

And with that he left the bridge.

From the sounds he knew that most of the crew was in the main dining hall, moving around a bit, most likely drinking, while mostly remaining silent. There were a few shushed tries at conversations, but it seemed like no one really wanted to talk. They just needed to stop, get back onto the rails after such stressful day.

Even KVN was quiet, slowly pushing the cookies into his processor unit.

Avocato paced around the ship, trying to get the feeling back into his legs and hands, easing the stress that had taken control over his body.

He didn’t move far away from the bridge, but he didn’t eavesdrop either. He respected Little Cato’s and Gary’s privacy, so he just stayed nearby.

Mostly he was worried. He felt the sudden fear gripping his heart, squeezing it painfully and it had nothing to do with the close to death situation from a few minutes ago.

They were alive. Somehow they had escaped. A task which was getting more and more difficult with each passing day. But they had done it, they were alive for now. And this was important.

Avocato wasn’t sure what was happening in the closed room, but whatever it was he knew Little Cato got it. Avocato trusted him, he believed in him. And yet he was worried, terrified even.

So he walked around, with nothing better to do.

The door opened with a too loud swish several minutes later. Long minutes that seemed like eternities and lightyears, stretching into infinity.

Avocato snapped his head back, looking as Little Cato exited the bridge, massaging his tired eyes. In a few strides he was in front of his son, kneeling and putting both his hands on his shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

Little Cato looked perplexed at him, blinking a few times.

“Uh, sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“The attack?”

“Oh, I’m yeah, I’m like… totally fine. A few bruises here and there, but nothing major.” Little Cato nodded, massaging his arm and looking at him.

Avocato sighed, feeling like at least half of the weight crumbled down from his shoulders, sputtering debris everywhere.

(He knew that Little Cato was amazing as a defense, operating the cannons, turrets and guns, but it was still one of the most open and unprotected position on the ship, one that could be easily blasted away.)

Avocato’s chest expanded as he took a sweet breath, letting his one hand move down, almost tracing the cold ground beneath them.

But there was still an incredible weight on his shoulders, dense, thick, invisible weight that pushed him down.

“And –“

“Gary is also okay. A little bit shaken, but okay.” Little Cato butted in, looking at him, only to glance at the ground.

Avocato opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it and shut one more time, only to nod in the end, feeling something inside of him coil and twist painfully.

(Whatever he had seen before definitely hadn’t looked okay. But if Little Cato was saying that it was okay now, he believed him. His son and Gary had a connection that ran deeper than it was visible. There was a thread somewhere inside only they could see, a language only they could understand.)

“Okay.” Avocato said, still resting his hand on Little Cato’s shoulder.

The Ventrexian looked at him.

“I’m going to grab something to eat and then I think I’m going to sleep.”

“Good, good.”

Little Cato moved and wrapped his hands quickly around Avocato’s chest, resting his head in the crook of his neck, exhaling quickly and tightening the grip.

Avocato hugged back, feeling all the pieces inside of him vibrating with fear evaporating somewhere, like a meteor disintegrating while moving through the atmosphere. It was a short moment, a heartbeat, a sudden stillness, an eternity squeezed into a second, a calmness, a familiarity, a comfort and a peace that they desperately needed.

“See you later?” Little Cato asked.

“Definitely.”

Little Cato smiled at him and then moved away, directing his sluggish steps toward the main dining room.

Avocato stayed in his spot, only moving up so he was standing instead of kneeling. His eyes jumped like electrons between orbitals, staring at the door to the bridge and the retreating form of his son.

Should he go inside or not?

“If you ask me I think dad could use a friend right now.” Little Cato said, looking at him above his shoulder.

Avocato looked at his son, opened his mouth, but then closed it and nodded. He only caught a glimpse of a smile as he turned to the door directing him to the bridge.

He raised his hand, moved knuckles closer to the door and then faltered.

Should he really do that? Maybe Little Cato was wrong, maybe Gary wanted peace, maybe Avocato shouldn’t step inside?

But then it seemed like Little Cato knew Gary more than anyone else did, so why should he be wrong?

So in the end Avocato simply said:

“Gary, I’m coming in.”

And he did just that.

The bridge was covered only in soft, sparse hues coming from the control panels and boards spreading at the very front and nearby the seats. Some lights were blinking, some were turned off and some were shining, but it seemed like the energy was toned down, conserved, giving only the minimum of power.

(Or maybe they were dimmed down on purpose?)

Avocato looked around the familiar room, quickly locating the lump sitting in the main chair.

Gary was curled in on himself with hands wrapped around his legs and head hidden in a small nest made between his arms. For a moment he seemed still, like a statue, a stone, frozen in a space void, but then his shoulders moved, dropped down an inch.

Avocato swallowed hard, feeling his heart breaking into a thousand pieces, and then stepped forward.

“Gary?”

Gary did twitch and it was the only thing which showed Avocato that he was listening and more important conscious of the things that were happening around him.

The vast universe spread in front of them, universe where the danger lurked, but thousand, if not more, light-years away. For now they were away, safe, alive. But for how long? When would be the next time their necks would be put under the guillotine of time? When would be the next time when the cold hands of Death would wrap her hands around their throats, quietly apologizing in their ears?

The future was an unknown, a terrifying unknown, a scary place to step into.

But for now they were alright. They were breathing, their hearts were beating and they could rest for a moment. A blissful moment. And this was what mattered.

Avocato clenched his fists, released the tension, tightened them one more time, braced himself and then stepped forward.

“Is everything alright?”

A dumb thing to ask about, but somehow this one question left Avocato’s lips.

For a moment Avocato expected Gary to not move, to not answer in any way. But then the head slowly moved in a shaking motion, scattering blond locks everywhere.

“Do you mind if I… sit with you?”

Another shake of the head.

They were at least getting somewhere.

Avocato slowly approached Gary and then flopped down on the armrest nearby the lump sitting on the seat. He put his hands on his lap, fiddling with them a little and glancing at Gary from time to time.

He wanted to do something, something to ease the tension, to brush away the fear that had taken hold of the heart, something to push away the bad thoughts that plagued the mind, something to help, something to just make it better.

(He didn’t have such strong feelings in a long time.)

Yet Avocato wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know what kind of things were okay in such a situation. What would their relationship allow him to do?

(Avocato wished it was something more than a friendship, but he was happy with what he had. But there were these urges, these needs, these whispered pleads which filled his mind.)

But he was also a man of pure instinct. It didn’t mean he always acted on it. No, of course not. But he trusted it when it proposed ideas, possibilities, plans and methods. It was his savior in dire situations, his last chance to escape every danger.

His helper.

So he decided to trust it again.

Avocato slowly moved his hand, flew it across the atmosphere, feeling the gravitation of the ship taking its toll, and then landed it like a spacecraft on Gary’s palm which grasped tightly the jeans. His pads traced the skin, moving into the crook of the gripped fist.

For a moment, nothing happened.

And then Gary loosened the grip, letting Avocato’s hand to sneak closer and interlock their fingers, feeling them click like two gears, a perfect combination of imperfect lives.

It wasn’t much. Just a delicate movement, a sign of trust, of familiarity, of support, of too much and not enough, of stars and planets and comets and stories about space pirates spoken in hushed whispers surrounded by dimmed light. It was love – but in different forms, yet mixed together.

Gary squeezed Avocato’s fingers.

Avocato softly brushed his thumb on Gary’s skin.

They stayed like this for a long time, with the constellations and nebulas passing them by, with their breaths evening out, with their heartbeats slowing down, with everything sparkling to life and then dying.

But not here, not right now.

Gary moved and leaned on Avocato’s thigh, resting his head there.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, not letting go of his hand.

“No problem.”

So they stayed like this for a little bit more time.

* * *

Some people would call Avocato a bad person. Or well, a bad Ventrexian. He could understand them. He deserved the title. He had done bad, terrible things. Things that couldn’t and shouldn’t be forgiven.

He wasn’t fine with that, but he had learned to live with it. No matter how horrible it sounded.

(From time to time it made his skin crawl with fear so deep that he barely could move.)

But he loved helping others - others close to him.

He would do everything for Little Cato. He would steal thousands stars and pass through countless dimensions to keep his son safe.

And for a long period of time Little Cato had been the only one for whom Avocato had harbored strong feelings of wanting to help. But that had changed after boarding Galaxy One, after becoming a part of the team-squad or whatever Gary called it.

Avocato found himself wanting to help others. Wanting to do something to ease the pain and let them take a sweet breath, so much needed for their lungs.

(He had to admit it that the feeling was the strongest with Little Cato and Gary.)

He had thought before that it would make him weak - having such needs. That it would break all his walls and make him lose focus on what was important. But he had been wrong. It made him even stronger than before.

“Dad, dad, dad, can I have it?”

Avocato glanced down at Little Cato who excitedly showed him a box filled with screwdrivers, laser cutters and other mechanical stuff. He felt his eyebrows raising on the forehead.

“Don’t we already have like ten of these back at the ship?”

Because the engine room was filled to the brim with such gizmos, making it almost impossible to move without crashing into a box filled with gears here and a bag of screws there.

Little Cato rolled his eyes at him.

“Yeah, but we don’t have equipment to repair things from sector 67b! What if we accidentally crash our ship and we will have to change it and we won’t have needed supplies to repair the nearby ship and we will be stuck and –“

“Okay, okay, okay, I got it!” Avocato sighed and then patted his pockets, finding a few slips of money. “Go buy it.”

“Aw thanks dad, you’re the best.” Little Cato turned on his heel and glanced at the small robot trailing next to him and the green alien glued to it. “Come on Oppy Junior and Mooncake, let’s find what more we can buy.”

The robot yipped happily and drove after the Ventrexian to yet another stall, carrying Mooncake with it.

At this pace Avocato would be broke in several minutes.

He closed his eyes and relaxed the muscles, feeling a familiar presence getting near him.

(He would recognize this smell everywhere.)

“Ha, and you told me I was too soft on the kid when I bought him the hoverboard he wanted.”

“You just bought it, because you couldn’t stand his puppy eyes.” Avocato snapped back, not even prying open one eye.

“Don’t you mean kitty eyes?”

“Don’t test me.”

Gary chuckled and leaned on the same wall Avocato had been and still was supporting for the last few minutes, letting their shoulders lightly brush.

Aliens of different races passed in front of them, talking excitedly between each other with smiles gracing their faces. Kids ran around, following each other with mouths dirty from sweets and knees covered with dust. Some vendors shouted loudly to get the biggest crowd around their merchandise, letting the curious eyes wander around until they would lock onto shining and sparkling gizmos.

Festivals – a moment of joy, a time for relaxation, a sweet pause in working to enjoy themselves.

(When Little Cato and the rest of the younger part of the crew had found out that there had been a festival on a planet nearby they had begged them to stop there. And well Gary had been quick to yield, wanting to go too. Avocato had been second to lose, making Quinn and Nightfall being the last to fall.)

“Enjoying yourself?” Gary prompted, looking at him.

“It’s not the worst.” Avocato started, glancing around. “But I’ve seen better.”

There were definitely too many aliens around. Aliens who lurked and warily looked around, aliens who sneaked past the crowd in search of something, aliens who clearly tried to find specific things or beings.

It wasn’t safe out there for any of them. But for now they managed to somehow blend with the crowd of too cheerful kids and tired parents.

In a way, he and Gary were like that too. Two very exhausted dads taking care of their kids who ran around, getting their hands on sweets and games.

(Just a few minutes ago he had had to give Fox a spare change, so he could try to win some price in a shooting range.)

“It’s actually my first time in a place like this.” Gary said, correcting his position.

It wasn’t the most comfortable place to lean on, but it was far enough from curious eyes.

“Really?” Avocato asked, raising his eyebrow.

Gary nodded, glancing around too. It seemed that after saying it, he wasn’t in a mood to prolong the topic. Or that some memories surged forward, flew up like a rocket, trying to breach the atmosphere of a planet.

“Yeah.” He said in the end. “I suppose I never had anyone with whom I could go.”

Avocato knew there was more under that. That beneath it were layers of cosmic dust, molecules and compounds so complicated, that distinguishing specific atoms would be almost impossible. But for now he accepted it as a fact, not drilling it further, letting the time work its magic and appear back on the right time.

“I suppose I didn’t see that many either. Lord Commander wasn’t really up for organizing festivals on Terra Con Prime.”

“Uh yeah, can’t imagine him doing that.” Gary quickly said, looking skeptically at Avocato, but with a small smile on his lips.

Avocato grinned too, but the dark clouds gathered around his head.

Somehow Lord Commander was back, even stronger and more dangerous than before. But was he really the same person? Or was he simply just another puppet in the hands of Invictus? A doll made of bones and muscles, with limbs and mind tied with strings, easy to maneuver around and manipulate to the pleasing of the creator?

(Before all of that even Avocato could sometimes almost see the image of the old person Lord Commander had used to be, but that someone was gone now, erased from the history and existence.)

“He only organized parades to praise his own glory.”

“That sounds more like him.” Gary snapped his fingers, laughing under his nose, replacing the sudden darkness which tried to sneak into the warm eyes.

Avocato closed his eyes and sighed, feeling the smile forming on his own lips. He didn’t want for it to appear, but somehow he couldn’t stop it right now. Not when Gary was nearby and they finally had a free day to roam around and enjoy themselves.

“So, if you never have seen any festivals, then what are you doing here? You can go out there and explore.”

To be honest Avocato felt quite comfortable like that right now. Away from the prying eyes, but with a nice company. Calm. Comfortable. Safe. It seemed almost too nice to be true.

(And to be fair there were days when he felt like he was dreaming, like he was floating in a faraway land under the influence of a sweet sleepiness that took control of his whole mind.)

Gary glanced at him and shrugged.

“I don’t know. It sounded a little bit sad doing it without any company.”

“You could always go with one of the young ones.” Avocato proposed.

Gary waved his hand.

“Nah, they shouldn’t have to hang out with a grandpa like me.”

Avocato huffed. When Gary put his mind to something, there was no way of changing it. He literally would have to disobey the laws of the universe to change this man’s mind about something and he definitely didn’t have necessary equipment for it.

(Trying to do it was like trying to get out of the black hole, only with a stapler. Impossible.)

“If you’re a grandpa then what does it make me?”

“Super grandpa?”

Avocato snorted.

To be honest he wasn’t up for walking around. There were too many aliens checking every stall, too many unfamiliar faces that could hide secrets, too many hands that could sneak into their pockets, too many securely hidden weapons, ready to blast them off.

Avocato preferred to observe the crowd from far away, searching for any symptoms of people noticing who was here exactly. Here he could clearly watch people pass him by, see the guards patrolling, but not exactly yet alerted about anything.

He definitely preferred to play safe.

But he was weak when it came to Gary Goodspeed. The man probably didn’t know that, hell, he definitely didn’t know that a small question could turn into a thousand things Avocato would do to make him smile. It had been probably a simple thought Gary had wanted to get off his chest. No higher and hidden reasons.

Yet the second the words had left his mouth Avocato had known what he had wanted to do.

He brushed softly Gary’s arm with his own and then pointed with his head at the stalls.

“So are we gonna stand here for like an eternity or what?”

Gary stared at him for several seconds, before the concept of what Avocato had proposed finally got registered by his brain. And the reaction was immediate – a smile, giant, radiant, warm formed on his lips, stretching it to almost painful for Avocato levels. Then there was a squeal leaving these lips, a high-pitched sound that could shatter the drums in every ear, but somehow sounded like a beautiful music to Avocato. And then there were hands, clumsily gripping his elbow, shoulder, hand and tugging him in the direction of the music, colorful aliens and cheerful kids.

Avocato obediently followed, rolling his eyes at the childishness of the man, but deep inside being quite fond of it. There was something endearing in the eyes sparkling like supernovas, with the cheeks burning like stars and the smile spreading like universe.

(Plus it almost sounded like a date. It definitely wasn’t a date, but who could blame Avocato if he called it like that in his head? No one, because no one could hear it. So he definitely could do it. In his head. It wasn’t hurting anyone. Maybe only his poor heart when it was met with the reality.)

Gary dragged him from stall to stall, excitedly eyeing everything aliens here had to offer. It didn’t matter whether it was jewelry, books, gizmos, part of machines or food. It all was appealing to him. Maybe the food part the most. It seemed that after snapping the invisible thread that had kept Gary at bay his mouth wasn’t shutting, but was always open, talking, chattering, whispering about everything and nothing in the same time. He was a ball of constant, never-ending energy, vibrating, shivering with so much power that it felt too much for Avocato.

But it was worth it.

It was even more worth it when Avocato managed to win a giant mascot of a Pyrruvian Exalate – something that reminded Gary of an Earth dragonfly. Only those were like twenty times bigger and more deadly. It didn‘t matter to Gary as he hugged the mascot closer to his chest, with sparkling eyes and even bigger grin.

(And if Avocato had had to intimidate the vendor to get it, then what? They were wanted criminals, it had to have some perks, right?)

“Oh my gosh, Gary, how did you get it?” It was Ash, staring at the plushie in the man’s hands which were wrapped securely around it.

“Avocato won it for me!” Gary happily answered.

“Lucky!” Ash said, clasping her cheeks and looking mesmerized at the mascot.

Gary was proudly puffing out his chest.

Avocato only sighed at that, glancing at Quinn who fondly shook her head at the antics happening in front of her eyes.

“So you won it for Gary?” Little Cato asked, standing next to him and then glancing up for a second, only to focus in the end on Ash trying to pry away the plushie from Gary’s steel hold.

“Yep, fair and square.”

Little Cato glanced at him skeptically.

“Yeah, about that. I actually saw some alien furiously pointing at your poster while talking to the guards, so you know.” Little Cato shrugged at the end, smirking.

Avocato sighed.

When the guards came four minutes later, they were already above the planet’s atmosphere.

* * *

Mostly Avocato spent his time working. He didn’t have that much free time and even when he did, he tried to fill it to the brim with something useful. Repairs here, steering the ship there, cleaning weapons after a fight, preparing food for Little Cato at the end of the day. No matter what it was, Avocato was doing something.

(If he stopped doing them, his thoughts would catch up and he definitely didn’t need that. He had to be in constant move.)

Avocato hadn’t felt like he had needed to spend time with others before. Before Little Cato that was. And even after Little Cato had been born he never really had felt the need to have free time to spend it with someone other than his son.

With Little Cato it was different. He hadn’t had much time while working for Lord Commander, but whenever he had had some, he had spent it with Little Cato – repairing stuff, building machines, teaching him how to shoot and other useful tricks.

For the longest time Little Cato had been the only person Avocato really had wanted to spend time with.

And then had come Gary. And somehow the prospect of having free time to spend it with him wasn’t so terrifying anymore. On the contrary, he wanted to do that. It was a selfish thing – being able to spend as much time together as he could.

(Yet if he had to choose between Little Cato and Gary, he would always chose his son. But he knew Gary would do the same.)

Avocato always found excuses to hang out with the human. Whether it was playing cards, steering the ship, planning their future steps, eating supper, helping with cleaning the engine or other things. Most of the time Little Cato tagged along and Avocato had to admit he adored those times – when there were just the three of them and the wide universe. It was a time filled with jokes and laughter, possibilities of the future, stories from the past and so much more.

(One crooked but whole family.)

Those were the precious moments filled with no worries about the world, titans, Invictus, Lord Commander, death that was threating to take them away. It was just the three of them.

But sometimes Avocato wanted some alone time with Gary too. In a different way than he wanted some alone time with Little Cato.

Spending time with Gary left his heart in a haze, drunk on emotions so deep and bright that it made him exhausted. And yet, those were one of the most calming moments of his life. He felt utterly content while talking with Gary, laughing about stuff or being submerged into a conversation so dark that even shadows scattered away from them.

With Gary Avocato felt like he could open himself fully and the man wouldn’t judge him. And he was doing it, slowly, step after step. But to be fair he wasn’t sure whether he was doing it for himself or because it seemed like Gary was happier the more he knew about Avocato.

It felt like their bond was stronger the more they shared. And the needs became bigger and mightier.

“Oh my gosh, they are so disgusting!”

“They are just kissing each other.”

“Disgusting!”

Gary snorted and then threw popcorn at Little Cato who had done a tube from his hands and was shouting at the screen where a pair was kissing.

“It’s a romantic drama, what else did you expect?” Avocato asked, raising his eyebrow.

Little Cato huffed and slumped further down on the couch.

“I don’t know, but I expected something better than lame kissing scenes.”

“Come on, Spidercat, it’s a classic back on Earth.”

“Your classics sucks.” The small boy said, reached and then grabbed a handful of popcorn to put into his mouth.

“You will love them when you’ll be my age.”

“So when I’ll be a grandpa?”

“You little –“

Gary grabbed Little Cato, heavily ruffling his blue fur at the top of the head while grumbling under his nose.

Little Cato started laughing loudly, moving his hands up and trying to swat the attacking ones away, but failing miserably due to the tremors which ran through his chest.

The hands that rested on the head, moved to the armpits and stomach, tickling every space possible and making Little Cato almost shout in short spasm of laughter. His eyes were closed tight shut. His small body wiggled left and right, trying to get away from the attacking palms, but being quite unable to.

“Stop, stop I yield, I yield!”

Gary’s attack stopped, halted in a moment and then he moved away.

“I hope that taught you something.”

Little Cato was already opening his mouth to disagree with that statement, but Gary simply lifted his hands and it shut the small boy up for good.

Or at least for another few minutes.

Avocato wasn’t really the biggest fan of romantic dramas either. Or romantic comedies. Or romantic thrillers. Or romantic anything.

Mostly because whenever he watched one, it gave him ideas, possibilities that couldn’t be fulfilled, soft moments that he wished he had and could live through. It made him miss all those simple things he yearned and wanted and hoped could happen – but knew they never would.

(How Gary didn’t catch him glancing almost every minute at him was a mystery.)

Gary seemed enamored by the movie, so Avocato said nothing and simply watched it.

After some time Avocato sensed a stable weight being put on his shoulder and glanced down to see his son lulled to sleep.

Little Cato had his mouth open a little, with a bit of drool rolling down his cheek. His chest was moving steadily, raising up and falling down – oh, so precious movements – with one ear flicking from time to time.

Avocato smiled fondly and leaned to brush the saliva away, scratching the cheek in the process.

“Did he doze off?” Gary whispered to him, moving to grab a remote control and stop the movie.

“Yeah, he did.” Avocato nodded.

“Ah, the movie had to really bore him then.”

And yet he stayed.

Avocato moved his palm through the tuff of hair at the top and when his son didn’t wake up, he moved to gently scoop him up, letting the legs hang limply in the air.

Little Cato did little to no movement, letting his head loll to the side and rest on Avocato’s shoulder.

“I’m going to take him to his room.”

“Okie dokie.” Gary said, twirling the remote control in his hand. “Are you planning on… coming back?”

Avocato’s heart skipped a beat as he stared at Gary’s pleading eyes.

In the darkness of the main room they looked like two moons, reflecting the light of the nearest star. There were swirls, galaxies of emotions moving through them and Avocato wasn’t sure he could name all of the feelings. He had a vague sensation of knowing some of them, but it could be wishful thinking.

So in the end he opted for a selfish answer.

“Yeah, I’ll be back baby.”

Gary nodded at that, smiling to him like the sun.

Avocato carried Little Cato back to his room, laid him down on the bed and then covered thickly with a quilt. He patted the head and kissed the nose, whispering a sweet good night into the ear.

Little Cato snuggled further into his bed, throwing the quilt almost over his head, making Avocato smile under his nose.

(He would blame Gary for that later on, but he also moved to Fox, laying below Little Cato, and brushed his forehead softly, wishing a good night sleep too.)

His steps back echoed loudly in the silent ship drifting through the space. One, two three, four and so on and so more. The sounds and vibrations were accompanied by his heavily drumming heart. It was an otherworldly cacophony inside his veins, inside his body. It was a weird feeling. They had spent time together a lot of times, losing sleep while playing games, steering ship, repairing stuff or simply while talking or sometimes not even doing that.

But now, weirdly, he couldn’t calm down. It seemed that there was a fire beneath the fur, a sudden tornado and storm, rattling his nerves, making him twitch with anticipation.

(Anticipation for what? He wasn’t sure. It wasn’t for anything specific, it was just there, moving through his veins like black matter.)

Gary sat in the same position Avocato had left him, looking through the tablet which was laying on his lap.

“Oh, you’re already back.” Gary said, glancing up at him as Avocato flopped down.

“Should I have taken longer?” Avocato asked, raising his eyebrow.

“No, no, no of course not. Pfff what are you even thinking?” Gary quickly clarified, not clarifying anything at all. But that was a part of him.

(A part Avocato clearly adored.)

Gary grabbed the remote, almost dropping it in the process, and then moved it closer to his chest.

“Should I?”

“Go on. It’s a stupid movie, but I’m kinda curious how it’ll end.”

Gary nodded, beaming to him and clicking a button.

It was kinda true. But to be fair Avocato wasn’t sure whether he wanted to see the end because of the plot or because of Gary. Maybe he wanted to see the end to be able to sneak a peek of how Gary would behave while seeing it.

Even though he had said he had already seen it at least seven times.

Observing Gary while he watched a movie was always an intriguing experience. One Avocato clearly loved. He adored looking at the small changes on the face, sudden gasps, bewildered whispers, mouth spread in a wide grin after a joke or eyes filled with tears during a heartbreaking moment. It was a never-ending compilations of movements and emotions, cinematic show filled with vivid animations.

Avocato observed, cataloguing every emotion passing through the façade, wondering for how much longer he would be able to look at them like that, freely, alive.

Then there was a change, a sudden sparkle of life, a supernova coming, spreading the heat, a small open movement of the mouth, wide eyes, sparkling and needing, gravitated or pulled towards the screen. There was curiosity, clear, astonishing, childish even, bright, so radiant curiosity that it almost hurt to look at.

Avocato glanced at the screen to check what got Gary so interested.

Oh, the pair was dancing, looking at each other with adoration. The music swam slowly around their bodies, hugging them delicately and whispering into the ears, making them smile.

It looked awfully cheesy. But well cheesy was what Gary adored.

Avocato glanced at the pair, moving their hips gently, looking like the whole world didn’t matter, and he felt this sudden need. This sudden urge and longing, yearning so deep and heavy that it almost crushed his lungs. The echo of a heartbeat moved through his chest as a sudden stutter appeared in his brain.

Avocato stood up and reached his hand toward Gary.

“What… are you doing, my dear friend?”

He felt the heat rise to his cheeks, but he pushed all thoughts aside and simply answered:

“Are you going to let my hand hang in the air till the song ends?”

Gary opened his mouth, glanced at the screen, back at Avocato, one more time at the screen and then it seemed that what Avocato had been implying finally was interpreted by his brain.

He grabbed Avocato’s hand and let the Ventrexian haul him up.

They almost bumped into each other, due to the stress running through his limbs, but somehow he managed not to rip Gary’s hand off. Then for a moment they stood in front of each other, staring and not really being sure what to do.

Avocato hadn’t planned so far.

He just had wanted that, so he had done the first thing that had popped into his mind.

But at this point the song would be over soon, so they had to act.

Avocato quickly checked the position the people on the screen were in and tried to imitate it in the real life. He rested his one hand on Gary’s hip, holding the other at their shoulders’ level.

Gary quickly caught on, moving his prosthetic to rest it on Avocato’s shoulder, letting the coldness seep in through the material of his shirt.

Another short glance to check what other things they were doing. Swaying their hips while making small steps. This was easy. He could do that.

They tried recreating what the people on the screen were doing, moving, stepping around while stealing glance after glance at them. And it was of course a recipe for disaster. Gary managed to stomp on his foot twice and Avocato almost made them stumble into a table, but in the end managed to save the day by only hitting his knee on it not so softly.

Gary laughed at that.

“We’re pretty bad at it.”

“Yeah, quite terrible even.”

Avocato glanced at the screen and then huffed.

“You know what, let’s just ignore what they are doing.”

“Right after you, big cat.”

With that in mind the whole process was definitely easier. From time to time Avocato had to glance down to check whether he would step on Gary’s foot or not, but other than that it was okay.

It felt actually really nice. Being able to dance slowly through the main room, moving and swaying their bodies to the delicate beat which thrummed in the air around them. Being able to feel the presence and the warmness seeping into his body. Being able to sense the heat of a burning star in his hands. Being able to admire the sight of the galaxies swirling in these eyes. Being able to enjoy the gravitation pulling him in.

It was a moment filled with warmness and peace. A serenity that moved through the atmosphere, precipitating in form of sweet happiness on their eyelashes.

Gary looked up at him, smiling softly.

And too soon the song ended and they were left standing in the middle of the main room, looking at each other.

They stood there for an eternity and for a second more, until Gary opened his mouth:

“Would it be incredibly stupid of me to rewind the movie so we could do it one more time?”

Maybe for some people it would be stupid. Maybe they would argue that the magic of the moment would be long gone, that it would flee away, sailing away on the imaginary ship to the other worlds.

But Avocato didn’t want the moment to end. His heart beat so loud, so hazy, so strongly in his chest that he couldn’t, didn’t want to let it go yet.

“No, it would be just the right amount of stupid.” His mouth managed to say.

Gary grinned and with one hand blindly searched for the remote control. In the end he managed to go back in the movie to the beginning of the dance.

So they repeated it.

They swayed and danced and floated and it all was too beautiful to be really true. But it was. Avocato could feel his every nerve touching Gary’s body, he could sense every smell that was getting into his nose, he could see the blond curls standing in weird directions on top of Gary’s head.

It was too much and not enough, both in the same time.

Near the end, Gary delicately rested his head on Avocato’s chest.

He said nothing about it, only let their bodies sway together more.

In the end, they replayed the song three more times.

* * *

Avocato thought of himself as a man of logic. Every movement was pre-calculated inside his head. Every possibility thought through at least two times. Every situation laid out in his mind as a plan. He clearly thought then did things later.

Other way he wouldn’t be able to live for so long.

But there were and had been a few exceptions. With Little Cato he was never sure how he would act. There had been several times when he had burst into a shouting match with his son due to the sudden fear ripping his chest apart, especially back when he had still worked for Lord Commander. However there had been other times when he had been doing things without thinking, like hugging and kissing the top of the head and staying beside the bed till the late hours just to admire the soft rises and falls of the chest.

Little Cato made him act irrational. So did Gary. But due to totally different reasons.

Gary made him do things without consulting them with his head. His heart simply would take the lead, marching forward on its mission. He would say and do things which were normally unnatural to him. He didn’t regret them, but it would be nice to have some kind of warning before he felt that his heart and mind could combust due to a close proximity or something similar.

It was an amazing, soaring sensation and yet similar to falling down into the epicenter of a black hole.

“Oh my gosh, what do we do, what do we do?”

“Calm down, Gary.”

“I’m calm!”

He definitely didn’t look calm and Avocato wasn’t planning on trusting him anytime soon.

Gary paced around the small room, grabbing his hair and almost pulling them out, with the heavy droplets of sweat rolling down his face. His cheeks were flushed with stress and the overwhelming nervousness.

Avocato would laugh, if it didn’t make Gary so furious. And he knew it did, because he had tried before.

“Yeah, if pacing around you call being calm, then yeah, suit yourself.” He said, shrugging.

Gary opened his mouth, closed it, opened and then furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, maybe, just maybe, I’m not ca–“

“You definitely can be a little bit quieter.” Little Cato whined, glancing at them from behind the cloth that had been put on his eyes.

It was like a switch being flipped. Gary immediately jumped to the bed, kneeled down and brushed his hand across the blue patch of fur on the top, now glued to the ears and forehead.

“Sorry, Spidercat, my fault. How are you hanging little buddy?”

The small Ventrexian moaned as he turned on the bed, looking at the human with red eyes and runny nose which he brushed with the end of the quilt after he had sneezed.

Avocato quickly moved to grab a tissue which he then moved towards their son’s nose.

Little Cato took the offered gift and blew his nose loudly.

Gary smiled at that, scratching the boy behind the ear.

“I’ve been better.” Little Cato finally said, making a ball from the tissue and throwing it in the direction of the trash bin, but failing quite a bit.

(Avocato can pick it up later.)

“Can I get you anything? Water? Blanket? Ice cream?”

“We have ice creams on the ship?”

“Not really, but I’m sure I can think of something.” Gary admitted.

Little Cato laughed, but it made his entire body shudder terribly with the coughs rattling the bones and chest, making the poor boy sit up to fill his lungs with sweet, delicious air.

Gary frantically moved his hands around, in the end resting them on the kid’s back and massaging it slowly to help with the shudders running through the body.

“Thanks, dad.” Little Cat wheezed at the end, flopping back down on the bed. “I think I have everything.”

“But if you need more you can always tell me.”

“I know.”

“Just a word. Nothing more. And I’ll get it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So don’t strain yourself and just rest and let me take care of anything you may–“

“Dad, I’m really okay.” Little Cato whined, rolling a little on the bed, so he could face Gary who was kneeling in front of the bed. “Don‘t worry.”

“I can’t help, but worry!” He yelped.

Avocato smiled and put his hand on Gary’s shoulder.

“Gary, it’s okay. It is just a common Ventrexian cold. Little Cato will be fine in no time.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, dad.”

Avocato could see that Gary wanted to fight him on that, but zipped his lips and patted their son’s cheek softly. He smiled tiredly under his nose, grabbed the bucket filled with, well, with vomit and took the cloth that had been resting on Little Cato’s eyes.

“I’m going to wash it and bring you a new one.”

“Thanks.” Little Cato tiredly mumbled.

Avocato exited his room, sighing softly in the corridor, inhaling the empty of any smell air around him. It was a little bit stuffy in the room, with the terrible smells and scents mixing together. He definitely didn’t mind that, but now that he was outside he really noticed how foul odor was actually floating in his room.

As promised he went to the bathroom, washed the bucket, soaked the cloth in the cold water and then walked back.

The lights in his room were as dimmed as he had left them, but he could see the lump kneeling in front of the bed, caressing softly the cheek.

Little Cato was breathing, kinda heavily, but steadily and calmly. It seemed like during those short few minutes he had been taken away from the world of awake and into the sweet dream-filled land.

It was good, sleep was the perfect remedy for someone who was sick.

Avocato put the bucket down nearby the bed, delicately as not to wake up their son and then moved to place the cloth on Little Cato’s eyes and forehead.

The boy moved a little, but other than murmuring a few words under his breath he didn’t do much.

Gary was kneeling in front of the bed, resting his head in the small basket made of his arms. It was tilted a little bit, so he could observe the hesitant, but steady rises and falls of the boy’s chest.

Avocato glanced down.

“Are you planning on staying here for the whole night?” He asked.

“I was.” Gary answered, voice muffled by the material of his shirt. “But if you’re kicking me out I can totally –“

“No, no, no, I’m not kicking you out.” Avocato quickly clarified, gathering the last remaining tissues from the floor and throwing them into the trash bin. “I just thought you would feel more comfortable on the bed?”

“But Little Cato is on the bed.”

“He is.”

“And you were planning to sleep next to him.”

“That is correct.”

“On the same bed.”

“I’m inviting you for a sleepover and you’re refusing? Are you the real Gary?”

Gary quickly moved away from the bed, waving his hands in front of him.

“No, no, no, I’m definitely not saying ‘no’. It’s totally a ‘yes’. Yeah, like super cool and all that.” He whisper shouted. “It’s just –“

Avocato leaned and grabbed Little Cato’s blouse that had welcomed the ground after he had started feeling too hot.

“Just?”

“Isn’t this bed a little bit too small for three people?”

Avocato glanced at the bed. It wasn’t the biggest one, it definitely could fit two people more or less comfortably. Three could be troublesome, but then Little Cato wasn’t that big and Gary was incredibly flexible.

Or maybe that wasn’t that. Maybe Gary was simply searching for excuses. Reasons that could be used to escape the situation. Tiny mistakes and errors that he could exploit. That could be it.

(Avocato hated how that thought made his heart drop. How it made his breath still and crash down.)

“Gary…” He started, trying to find something to hold onto and failing. “If you don’t want to stay–“

“No, I want to stay.” Gary quickly said, raising up to his feet and almost falling down when his legs got mingled beneath him.

“Then stay.”

“But are you like super okay with that? Because if not I can totally sleep on the ground or you know, grab a blanket, make a fort, lit some scented candles –“

Okay, what the heck was he babbling about? It seemed like the words simply poured from his mouth, mixing, forming something new, something intangible.

But Avocato had to put a stop to it. Somehow.

“Gary, if I wasn’t okay with this, I wouldn’t ask, okay?” He said, pushing words aside to add his own, a little bit tired, voice.

Apparently he had had to say something good, because it immediately shut Gary up. And that was an incredible feat.

Avocato wasn’t sure what Gary saw in him, but it had to be something, because he quickly looked away and mumbled a simple:

“Okay.”

Avocato nodded and then glanced at the bed where Little Cato was sleeping, letting out a few pained snores from time to time. His fur was glued to the skin beneath and it seemed tangled at some parts, forming swirls of galaxies. There was a hue to his cheeks, too deep to be called healthy, which moved as a groan left the chapped lips.

“You want a spot near the wall or near the edge?” Avocato asked, like it was the most normal question that could be asked.

“Near the wall, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, okay.”

Avocato tried to sound confident. But to be honest he was a mess inside. The cables were sparkling and crackling inside his veins. His brain was a mushy mixture, a reaction filled with the steam and heat and vapor so dense that he couldn’t exactly see the reasons and consequences of his actions.

At first he had proposed the idea because he had known that no matter what Gary would insist on staying by Little Cato’s side and he hadn’t wanted his best-friend to lay on the ground. But only now, the after-effects were reaching his brain and heart.

Had he seriously asked Gary to sleep with him? In the same bed!? What was wrong with him? His poor heart couldn’t take it. It didn’t have any additional armor around to protect itself from the harm and cardiac arrest.

But he couldn’t back down.

(Not that he really wanted to. Or wanted Gary to sleep on the ground.)

So bracing himself, Avocato simply said.

“Get yourself comfortable, I’ll get us some blankets.”

And with that he went out to go to the storage room. He didn’t even look back, just darted through the door, letting it close behind him.

The cold air around the ship once again calmed his racing heart and buzzing cheeks.

Nevertheless he didn’t want to be out for too long, in fear that something could happen to his son. He trusted Gary, of course, but he wanted to be near when Little Cato needed him. So the trip to the storage room and back took only around five minutes, maybe even less.

He stepped into his room and immediately glanced at his son.

Gary actually had climbed onto the bed and had pushed himself between the wall and Little Cato, who had moved to the biggest source of heat currently occupying the space. He was staring lovingly at the small boy, petting the cheeks with the back of his hand.

Avocato exhaled slowly and then moved closer to the bed.

“Here, for you.” He said and then passed one scratchy blanket.

Gary raised his head at him and leaned forward to take the gift.

“Thanks.”

Avocato nodded.

He didn’t really need to change his clothes as he was already wearing casual ones. Plus they were dirty with Little Cato’s sweat, snot and, well, other substances – gladly, not so smelly. It would be counterproductive to change clothes, when the state of them would be soon the same.

So that left only laying down.

The hardest part.

But he could do it.

Avocato slowly sat down on the slice of bed that was secured for him, nearby the edge, straightened the blanket, then laid down and at the end threw the material across his body.

Like a robot.

Okay, okay, he got it. He was just laying with the person he really, really liked in the same bed, with their son between them. There was nothing weird about it, totally not. It was normal. Maybe not fully, but still kinda normal in Gary’s world.

Avocato could live through it. He had lived through worse things under Lord Commander’s rule. He could do it.

He turned on the bed, so he was facing Little Cato and Gary.

Little Cato was currently turned towards Gary, curling under the quilt and shivering like a leaf on the wind.

Gary was patting their son’s cheek softly, but when Avocato moved, he raised his head up a bit, so he was able to look at him.

Avocato felt like his breath was punched out of his chest.

“So… we probably should try to fall asleep.” Gary murmured, barely raising his voice to be audible.

“That would be the best choice here.” Avocato nodded.

“Great! Let’s just do that. Together. But separately. Sleep.” Gary continued, nodding alongside. “Perfect. Sleeping right now. Going to do that.”

Avocato huffed at that, but he did close his eyes, hoping for the sleep to take his hand and guide him away.

He was incredibly tired. Today had drafted the energy from his body, leaving only a few drops at the bottom. A barely visible spectrum of strength inside his mind. He felt empty, like a shell, a conjuration of something that should resemble a body.

(Little Cato being sick did worry him. He knew it wasn’t a terrible illness, quite common one, but still he couldn’t help but worry.)

He tried to fall asleep, as he was incredibly, astonishingly tired. But no matter how hard he tried, how much he calmed his breath and emptied his mind, he couldn’t do it.

Seconds moved, minutes ticked, forming an hour in the end. Still with no sleep.

It seemed like one of those nights.

Avocato laid some more on the bed, listening to the uneven breaths of Little Cato, the small coughs and sniffs escaping his mouth and nose, the rustles of the blanket or quilt whenever someone changed position and the delicate murmurs of the machinery around them.

Until he turned on the bed and opened his eyes.

Little Cato had turned so he was facing Avocato now, still curled into a ball.

Gary was laying with his head resting on one hand. The second one was settled on Little Cato’s arm.

It all seemed so peaceful, like there were no worries in the world. Like there were only them, drifting through the cosmos, dancing across the string of the universe, playing cards with the fate and winning, in the end pulling the coins towards themselves.

(But for how long could they keep winning? They were running out of luck, precious luck that gave them life. Avocato knew that sooner or later it all would end. He knew that at some point he would lose this small slice of time filled with serenity, calmness and pure happiness. He knew that it all was a matter of time, but he hoped that he could hold onto it for just a little bit longer.)

Avocato corrected his position, resting his head on his arm, mimicking Gary’s position a bit.

And then Gary opened his eyes.

“Can’t sleep?” He asked, whispering the words.

Avocato shrugged, feeling his heart suddenly hammering inside his chest.

“Something like that.” He murmured.

“Me neither.”

“Clearly.”

Gary frowned at that a little, but the look quickly smoothened, probably due to the exhaustion dancing and skidding in his eyes.

A funny thing, both of them were incredibly drained, but couldn’t fall asleep.

Avocato did feel bad about snapping like that, but before he could focus his mind on opening his mouth to say something, apologize, the human beat him to it.

“His fever stabilized.” Gary whispered, moving his hand across the forehead of their son.

“That is a good thing.” Avocato mumbled, copying Gary and resting his paw on the forehead.

The skin was quite hot, but still less so than two hours ago. The medicine had to be working.

“Yeah.” Gary grabbed the quilt and moved it to cover Little Cato’s trembling shoulders. “I hope he will feel better in the morning.”

“It’s not his first Kylmäkissa flu. Definitely also not the last.”

It was in the end a quite common illness among Ventrexians and Tryvuulians – so Fox had to stay away from Little Cato for the time being.

“Still…” Gary started, then moved his head, laying it flatter on his hand and resting the other one on their son’s arm once again. “It has to suck.”

“It does.” Avocato admitted. “I’m sure you humans also have colds. Or something similar.”

Gary hummed, nibbling on his bottom lip while closing the eyes for a moment.

“Yeah, we do. And it’s always a pain in the ass.” Gary sighed. “But it’s the first time I’m taking care of someone sick.”

The concept was a tad weird at the beginning, but the longer Avocato really thought about it, the more he could actually understand it.

“I never tended to anyone before Little Cato either.” Avocato said, blinking a few times when a wave of tiredness hit his eyelids. “I didn’t have a real family before him to be honest.”

Gary tilted his head a bit, looking at him.

“Really?”

He nodded.

It was weird, opening up to someone. He rarely did it. Or like he couldn’t remember the last time he had done that. He knew he had done that at some point of his life – probably while being drunk – but now every memory about such occurrence was fogged in his head.

“Yeah, I had to learn everything from the beginning. How to change diapers, how to hold him, how to put him to sleep, how to make him stop crying and also how to take care of him when he was sick.” Avocato moved his hand and slowly caressed Little Cato’s cheek, finding pleasure in the small movement of whiskers answering the touch. “Just like right now.”

Little Cato let out a soft sight and then moved further under the quilt, almost covering his face and making Avocato smile softly.

“It always has been just the two of us against the world.”

Little Cato had been the center of Avocato’s life the moment he had laid his eyes on the small baby. His very own Galactic Center. Everything he had done in his life had been for him. He had been the reason he had woken up in the morning and had gone to sleep at night.

But that had been before all of this had happened. Before his mind had expanded like a universe. Before his heart had been shattered into a million pieces and had been glued back together.

Now he had more people he cared about, who rotated on the orbits nearby the center.

(He also had Gary now, a burning star that sizzled and sparkled, warming his face and chest with one radiating smile. Smile that could tear him apart and build anew.)

Avocato glanced up, catching Gary’s gaze for a moment, before the man directed it elsewhere.

There was a hidden, saddened undertone to his eyes. A darkness that swallowed the light which tried to escape it. A vantablack covered the irises, not allowing anything to pass through.

There was a small crease on the forehead, a twitch of the mouth, sudden movement of the nose similar to a sniffle as Gary bit the bottom lip.

“That sounds nice.” He admitted in the end.

“That is nice.” Avocato agreed.

Gary curled in on himself, staring at the back of Little Cato’s head and the ears perking up to find the source of every noise on the ship.

Avocato moved his one hand, straightening it above his head first and then slowly sneaking it towards Gary’s one. The material whispered beneath his palm, creasing and wrinkling with its every movement.

There were a thousand things he wanted to say to Gary. A million things he wanted to ask about. A milliard things he wanted to do.

The feelings he had harbored had found a comfortable and cozy home inside his chest. Something that had been unbearable some time ago now was a never–ending companion on his space journey. Reassuring even.

Avocato slowly brushed his hand against Gary’s palm.

“But I think that the three of us against the world sounds even better.”

Gary snapped his head up, staring at him like Avocato hung every star on the sky just for him.

(And if he could, he totally would do that.)

There was another string of silence, a sudden heartbeat that leaped in his chest, a compassionate exhale.

Then Gary interlocked their small fingers together and let their hands rest on the pillow above Little Cato’s head.

“The three of us against the world? I like that. I would like that. It sounds absolutely fricking amazing.”

Avocato ginned tiredly under his nose.

They didn’t talk after that. Gradually both of them let their eyes slip shut, allowing the exhaustion of today to slowly lull them to sleep and take care of their minds.

Their hands stayed connected on the pillow.

Until around three am, when Gary woke up Avocato with a simple, hoarse word.

“Bucket.”

Avocato wasn’t sure what it meant after being suddenly ripped away from the dreamland. He simply added the imaginary meaning to the real one, in one swift movement reached for the said bucket and pulled it up to the bed, pushing it towards Little Cato.

Who shot up and then leaned above the quickly placed bucket, emptying the barely eaten content of his stomach into it.

Gary slowly massaged their son’s back.

Avocato kept the bucket in place, not allowing it to slip through Little Cato’s trembling palms.

When the heavy shudders stopped, the small Ventrexian lifted his hand and brushed his mouth with the back of it.

“Absolutely disgusting.” He mumbled.

“You still look better than me while being hungover.” Gary said.

Little Cato hoarsely laughed.

And maybe it had been the three of them for a very long time.

* * *

The terrible thing about the stability was the fact that it could disappear in a spare second, not even leaving any trace after itself.

Avocato had been a lonely man. He had preferred the solitude of being alone, than being surrounded by people, aliens, different races and other humanoid or not things. He had preferred the empty nights, than the ones replete with bodies pressed together. He had liked the calm mornings filled with warm drinks, accompanied by nothingness – more than someone taking the empty spaces.

Like with all things in his life, Little Cato had changed that.

He was his son, his friend, his precious boy. It had been the two of them during breakfasts, during days, during dinners and during night-times. For some time Avocato had felt that it had been enough for him to be happy.

And he was still happy. Gosh, how delighted and ecstatic he was to be able to still be with his son.

Their family of two wasn’t missing anything. And yet Avocato felt like he wanted to add another member to it

Avocato wanted Gary to be here through good and bad, through the storm and calm sea, through Little Cato starting a rebellious stage of teenage years and through him turning into an adult.

Avocato wanted him by his side till the end of the world.

No matter when it would happen.

But in the end he was a coward. Somewhere deep inside he hoped he had more time, he had more days, more weeks, more months to tidy up the mess in his head, to find the courage to let the words out. He had lived in a comfortable life between worlds, not exactly moving in one or other direction. He had been afraid that if he had moved forward, he would break something fragile that had grown between them and he couldn’t imagine himself ever stepping back. So he had stayed where he had been, gripping tightly to the in-between which had harbored his heart.

He had thought he could live there for long enough time to be able to show without words what he was feeling.

Only he hadn’t noticed the crack on the hourglass, making the sand slip away way quicker than intended. And before he could even say a short word, the container was almost empty, letting the last few particles slowly drip down.

“You are not going!”

“Little Cato listen–“

“No, I won’t listen! You are not going there! This is like super obvious trap! They are going to kill you!”

“Well if I don’t go, they will kill all of us and I don’t want that to happen! I have to save you all and Mooncake!”

“Gary, calm down.” Quinn quietly said, putting her hand on Gary’s shoulder.

It seemed like he wanted to say something more, but shut his mouth and looked down at the ground.

There was silence between all of them. Heavy silence that precipitated in the form of invisible dust on their shoulders and weighed them down. Hollow silence that crushed the lungs. Cold silence that gripped the throats and squeezed, preventing from taking a breath.

How it all had gone so wrong so quickly?

“I’m sure there is a way out of this.” Fox hesitantly said, fiddling with his fingers and looking at everyone.

“Both our engines are dead. The turrets are out of ammo. The energy is at seven percent and the oxygen filters are disrupted.” There was a clear hesitation, before AVA continued. “I don’t think… we can escape this one.”

Everyone knew their luck had to run out at some point. They couldn’t escape forever. But somehow, deep inside, each and every one had hoped that they could pull it off one last time, that they could still outrun the chasing hands.

That didn’t happen.

They stood nearby the edge, feeling the heels of their shoes slipping down into the abyss that just waited to consume them all.

The silence spread further around like a disease, burning the skin and taking away breaths. It cradled them in its arms, caressing the hairs and petting the cheeks, keeping safe and yet as prisoners, locking them away.

Avocato tightened his fists, feeling his heart falling apart.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Not like this. Never like this.

“There is only one way out of it.” Gary continued, but quieter, looking at everyone. “I’m going there. Alone. And you keep your butts here. Safe. On the ship.”

“And what? Are we supposed to watch you die too? Bring popcorn? Take bets which limb will be ripped off first?”

Gary flinched, biting hard the inside of his cheek.

“Little Cato, stop.” Nightfall whispered, raising her eyes at him. “We know your point of view.”

“My point of view? Are you all seriously siding with Gary right now?”

“No, we’re not.” Quinn bit back, gripping her own shoulders in a cold embrace. “But shouting doesn’t help anyone.”

It was true.

Everyone was agitated, angry, tired and above all scared.

Little Cato shut his mouth and glared at the woman, tightening the fists hanging near his sides.

They had been at this since the battle – which had lasted several hours – had ended. The lost battle. The devastating battle. The fight during which with every passing moment their hopes had been crushed, destroyed and disintegrated.

Invictus and Lord Commander had caught up with them. They had taken Mooncake. And now they were surrounded by the enemy with their own dying ship being their tomb. There was no running away, there were no escape routes that could save them all.

Lord Commander and Invictus had given them two options – either they all were going to die or Gary could give himself up and the rest of the crew would be spared.

Both options sounded terrible. Horrifying.

It had been easy to guess which way Gary had picked, not even paying any mind to the other option. It had been almost natural for them to disagree with it. And the fight and war had been storming around since then.

Nightfall sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. There were dark shadows, spirals of dust, around her eyes.

“It’s getting us nowhere. Not even one of us is thinking straight.”

It wasn’t really late, but at this point they were up for more than thirty six hours and neither of them could think clearly.

“So what do you propose?” Ash quietly asked, brushing her now dirty fringe away, letting her trembling fingers rest on the forehead.

“Sleep first and then let’s all of us think it through tomorrow. We have till midnight to decide. So let’s meet again in eight hours.”

Avocato nodded at Nightfall, showing that he agreed with her plan.

“Sounds reasonable enough.” Quinn added.

“Same here.” Ash said, dropping her hand

“I’m okay with it.” Fox mumbled.

“I also think this is a good idea.” Hue robotically said.

Nightfall turned to Little Cato who still angrily looked at the ground.

“Little Cato?”

The Ventrexian tightened his fists, letting the hair on his back stand up for a moment, bristling them, before finally letting go of the stress.

“Fine.” He snarled.

The woman turned her head to Gary who still didn’t speak. Similar to his son he was staring at the ground with lips pinched in a thigh line. But there was something in his eyes, some hidden depth, galaxies swirling, turning and circling, an ocean moving with a storm, sputtering white foam everywhere.

“Gary?” Nightfall started. “Do you agree with the plan?”

Gary didn’t answer.

Everyone turned their eyes to him.

“Gary?” Nightfall furrowed her eyebrows.

A beat of silence echoed, shimmered and sizzled in the charged atmosphere around them, making the hairs on the arms stand up, taking breaths away and gripping the throats in a delicate, yet firm grip. A touch that was there, threating, but not doing anything just yet.

“Okay.” Gary said and then stepped back.

Everyone exhaled, dropping their shoulders.

“So we’re set.” Nightfall straightened her back. “I advise you all to get some sleep. We’ll deal with it all later on.”

And that was the cue. Everyone slowly shuffled away from the destroyed main room, dragging their feet on the dusty ground, covered by the faint, barely shining lights above their heads. They held tightly onto consciousness for just a few more minutes, before their heads would land on the pillows, allowing their red eyes to rest for several restless hours.

Avocato hugged Little Cato, kissed his matted hair at the top and sent him to his bed.

The small boy obediently stepped into his room, letting the door close after him while glancing back at Avocato.

That went better than expected to be honest.

He wondered for how long it would stay that way.

Avocato was exhausted. He felt it in every atom and particle of his body, a heavy weight that pushed him down, more and more, making it harder to put one foot in front of the other. The tiredness clung to his bones, wrapped his muscles and seized him up, dragging towards the bottom of the black hole.

But he couldn’t rest.

Not yet.

He knew something was coming. It was tiptoeing forward, sneaking behind the corners, crawling in the vents, waiting for him to turn his back, so it could simply get past him.

But Avocato knew he had to wait for it, had to hide and wait for the moment of its mistake. He had known it the moment the words had left the mouth, he had known it the second he had heard the demands, he simply had known it since the very beginning.

(It had shattered his heart and had stolen his breath, sending the corpse into the space.)

He had to wait.

So he did.

Avocato spent the time in the hangar, staring at the space spreading in front of them, staring at the enemy ships that threatened their lives with weapons ready to attack, at the bits and pieces of their ship floating around, reminding him of the moving time, of the air slowly, but surely escaping the metal protection around their bodies.

Life was a fragile thing. He knew that. He accepted that. It was a knowledge he had forged in his mind.

And yet, whenever he was meet face to face with it, it surprised him nevertheless.

(But before he always had felt that there had been a spark of hope of escaping the situation. But not right now. Right now there was a hollow void inside his heart, inside his chest. Somehow he knew they were on the verge, hanging above the darkness trying to consume them all, being pushed forward on the plank of their ship, with the guns pointed at their backs.)

Avocato waited, counting the time in his heartbeats.

Then there was a shuffle, a small movement in the space-time continuum, a shift of an invisible silhouette.

Or at least a silhouette which tried to be invisible.

But Avocato was prepared for it. Yet he let the invisible invader believe it for a few more minutes, opting for staring at the shadow creeping along the walls, glancing warily around, checking if anyone beside their lost soul was around.

Avocato waited and observed, letting the shadow feel safe. And only then he pounced.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Gary shrieked and jumped in the air.

“Avocato, man, what the hell? You scared me!”

He raised his eyebrow, slowly stepping out of the shadows which concealed his entire posture.

“Not my fault that you were loud like a Loxodon.”

“Uhh like what?”

“Very loud.”

“Ah I strongly disagree, my dear friend.” Gary puffed out his chest. “I’m quite certain I was super amazingly sneaky and quiet. Like a ninja! It’s not my fault you Ventrexians have some crazily sensitive hearing.”

It was the truth, but Avocato wasn’t going to yield.

“I’m exhausted, sleep deprived and I was hit in the head twice. And I still heard you.” Avocato said, crossing his arms. He cocked his eyebrow, feeling that he was winning the fight when Gary’s eyes started to jump all over the place. “So no, you were not sneaky.”

“There goes my plan of being a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ long lost brother.”

What the heck? Avocato’s brain couldn’t deal with it right now. He was too tired to be dealing with it all. He just wanted for it all to pause, to halt, to stop spinning, circling and moving.

But he knew it wasn’t possible.

“So if finding me sneaking very sneakily around was your only goal, then please pardon me my friend and allow me to resume my merry trip.” And here Gary turned on his heel, planning on going further into the hangar, right towards the only available ship which could still fly. A one-person ship.

“To where?” Avocato asked, stepping after him.

“To visit my dear old friend. Yeah, you know we didn’t see each other in forever. We have so much stuff to catch up on. Stories to tell. Jokes to laugh about.”

Avocato hummed.

“An old friend.”

“Uh totally. A good friend. You know all this fighting got me missing them, so you know, I thought I would pop in for a moment, right now, when everyone was sleeping, not counting you. ‘Cause you know we have a lot to talk about and you know –“

“I know you’re going to Invictus and Lord Commander.”

Gary stopped in the middle of the hangar, but didn’t turn around to face Avocato.

There was a brief, dense silence that moved around and between them, pinching the muscles and breaking the bones.

Avocato could see Gary stiffening. It was a sudden spasm that contracted all body parts, locking them in place for a short moment. Almost like he was getting prepared for an attack, an ambush, a strike.

Avocato wasn’t going to attack.

“You won’t stop me.” Gary finally whispered, raising his shoulders. “I have to do it.”

Avocato knew it would happen. He knew Gary would do that. He had known it the moment they had been given their instructions. Every part, every compound, every atom in his body had been conscious of the possibility.

He also had known what he would do from the very beginning too. And it had broken his heart.

“I know.” Avocato said and he felt like he was crumbling, disappearing, disintegrating right here, right now. “I’m not stopping you.”

Gary swiftly turned on his heel and stared at him with wide, terribly scared eyes.

“You can’t go with me either.” He said, breathed out, croaked it even like there wasn’t enough oxygen around.

And maybe there wasn’t. The tanks and filters were broken, disturbed, leaking the precious atoms.

Avocato was collapsing like a star, he was decaying like a tree, he was deteriorating like a machine. He was living and breathing, but it felt like there was a hole in his body, an empty space from which his life was escaping.

Avocato slowly shook his head.

“I’m not going with you.”

What a terrible thing to say. But a thing he had to say.

He was slowly turning into a shooting star, right now, right here. Right in front of Gary.

The man stared at him with beautiful orbs, which were twitching, shivering and trembling in fear, fear so deep and genuine that it hurt Avocato almost physically to see them.

But he couldn’t go and he had to let Gary go. Even when it pained and destroyed him inside. He had to let Gary do it, if they wanted to have any chances.

(They had to keep Little Cato and the rest of the younger part of the crew safe at any cost. Something they both had agreed on with no words spoken between them.)

“Okay.” Gary said, then turned on his heel and stomped forward.

Avocato followed.

Their steps echoed in the empty, hollow hangar, jumping off the walls, leaping, running after each other, playing a game of tag.

Gary was walking and even though he wasn’t getting farther away from Avocato, the Ventrexian felt like he already had lost him. Maybe he had lost him the moment he had heard those words, when his heart had said a simple ‘oh’. Maybe he had lost him the moment he had heard the footsteps, even when some part of him had hoped it would not happen. Maybe he had lost him long time ago, even without having Gary there in the first place.

Maybe in the end Avocato was never supposed to actually have him.

Avocato felt like he was disintegrating, like someone was picking particle after particle from his real body and letting them float in the space, leaving only an empty shell behind, something that once upon a time resembled a living being.

Gary slowly approached the only available ship and looked up at it.

Now when Avocato could take a closer and longer look, he noticed that Gary didn’t take anything with him. It was just him, his usual clothes and the never-ending goodness that was masked under layer and layer of crystallized comedy. It was just him, his trembling hands and mind that was probably a tangled mess.

Avocato stopped next to Gary and stared at the ship. At the dusty metal plates. At the rusty bolts. At the crooked bow. At the wheels touching the ground, but seeming almost permanently glued to it.

It was a good ship.

“Avocato I…” Gary suddenly started, but closed his mouth when Avocato turned his head.

His eyes were directed forward, but it didn’t seem like they saw anything there, anything in front of them.

Avocato wasn’t sure any words could describe this moment. Because how could any words even show the pure, terrifying sadness that seeped from the minds and hearts, crushed the lungs and stole the breaths away?

What kinds of words could be used when one person was on the verge of taking the step into the other world, crossing the line of the living beings? There was no place for hope. Everything was filled to the brim with the dark fear that consumed every particle.

Avocato didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure if anything could be said right now.

“I’m… I’m really glad I… met you.” Gary finished, inhaling deeply at the end, letting his chest expand, only for it to collapse a second later.

It seemed like a simple message.

But Avocato was afraid that it held more than simple words. That there were galaxies, other worlds hiding inside, memories intertwined together, forming threads that could make a whole universe or be thrown on a tired body to warm it during a terrifying and dark night.

Avocato wasn’t ready to let go. He wasn’t ready to let the precious life slip past his fingers, watch the guillotine falling down, ready to snap the neck and tear a soul away.

“You know usually when someone says such things, the other person says something in return and you know, doesn’t let the other one hanging. I mean if you don’t want to say anything that is totally fine–”

“Gary.” Avocato whispered and somehow this one word could break the curse.

Gary still didn’t look at him, but swallowed hard.

Avocato wanted to say something, anything that would lift the spirits in this terrible situation, but he found out that he couldn’t find the perfect words. No, he couldn’t find any words in his mind, in his chest, in his heart that could be said out loud. Or maybe that was wrong too.

There were too many things which needed to be said and so little time, too many possibilities of outcomes, each and every one worse than the previous one.

Avocato slowly reached his hand, letting it float in the air for a moment, hesitant and unsure of the fate and future in front of it, before it grabbed Gary’s palm, gripping it softly.

Gary twitched, but other than that didn’t look back at him.

“Hang on tight, we will come for you and Mooncake.”

It was probably one of the worst things Avocato could say, but the words had left his lips before his mind could catch up with them.

They rang in the empty space between them.

It sounded like a lie. Not because of the meaning, because that was the honest, harsh and loving truth. The lie was hiding in the outcome. Outcome he was too terrified to admit was most likely to happen.

But Gary lied too as he answered:

“I know.”

In the end they were both white liars, hoping to make the other one feel better.

When the Death was staring straight at them, peeking into their eyes, raising her hands gently while getting closer and closer with every passing second, the words started to lose their meanings, leaving only empty shells after themselves.

(Something that once upon a time had been beautiful stars, but now were filled with tiny black holes.)

Gary gripped Avocato’s hand back and it seemed like too short time had passed before he stepped forward.

Avocato desperately wanted to hold onto that warmness in his palm for a little bit longer, but it took only one step for their hands to stop being connected.

Avocato’s heart squeezed, desperately beating for a release.

Gary slowly approached the ship, no bag, no backpack, and he grabbed the handle to thrown open the door. It hissed lowly, tiredly, making space to form a dark hole which only led inside into the unknown.

It seemed like a final line, a last stop, the moment of no return.

Avocato wanted the time to stop, he wanted to shout and scream, rip out the cables of the universe to let it all reset, but know he couldn’t. He could only hopelessly stare at his friend stepping into the ship that would bring him to his death.

(A price that had to be paid so the rest of them could live.)

Gary stopped, one hand on the door, one foot already in the ship.

There was a part of Avocato which hoped that the man changed his mind. That he would turn around and step back to stand right next to him, where he belonged.

(But the other part knew the truth. Knew what was the most important right now and it wasn’t Gary nor Avocato.)

“Avocato?” Gary softly whispered, voice barely audible above the hum of his heart.

“Yeah?”

“I know it will sound stupid, but this… really feels like the end.”

Avocato swallowed hard, feeling as the air escaped his lungs in quiet hisses.

“Yeah… yeah it does.”

Gary exhaled, a trembling sound left his lips as he gripped tighter the metal handle that had helped him hoist himself into the ship.

But he didn’t step inside. It seemed like he was mulling over some idea inside his head. Something was preventing him from fully going inside. Like there were tendrils, cosmic hands holding him in their wake.

He turned on his heel and looked at Avocato with some kind of resolve shimmering in his eyes. He opened his mouth, ready to say what was on his mind.

And no sound came out. Then he tried it again, still with the same result. He tightened his fists, looked down at the ground, inhaled through his nose, rose his head and opened his mouth, but also this time the only thing that left it was:

“Avocato, I…”

And no more words.

It almost seemed like he was put under a spell.

Gary tried two more times, letting his eyes jump all over the place, barely even now landing on Avocato.

He whined, frustrated with something and then closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.

Avocato wasn’t sure what was happening, but he knew that there was a big internal fight, a war inside Gary’s mind and he didn’t want to interrupt to not tip the scale toward one side.

Then there was a simple whisper leaving Gary’s mouth, barely audible and probably not even supposed to be heard by Avocato:

“Okay, here comes nothing.”

Gary looked right into his eyes, stepped down and in just a few strides he was in front of Avocato.

Avocato had a brief moment of coherent thoughts which tried to make heads and tails of Gary’s behavior, before he felt a warm sensation on his lips.

And his world stilled to a halt.

Avocato could feel the heat in his chest, in his heart, in his mind, wrapping itself around him like a warm blanket made of constellations. There was a ramble and a deafening silence inside his skull, when his brain connected the impulses with the images, coming up with a quite simple deduction.

Gary kissed him.

The weight on his lips stayed for a moment, a brief tick, a short pause, a tiny bit, a slice of time snatched away from the reality. It was like a familiar breeze, like a warm light of a fire on the cheek, like a comforting taste of coffee in the morning. It was everything and nothing in the same time.

Avocato’s heart jumped high in his throat as his mind simply gave up trying to understand what was happening.

He could feel Gary on his lips, a hesitant touch, barely even there. He could smell the typical scent of the human, clouding his nose and making him lose focus. He could sense the heat of the body, being near, but not close enough to bring him pleasure.

And after a short moment, terribly too short moment, Gary moved away, letting his cheeks burn brightly in the darkness of the hangar with the eyes sparkling in shame.

“Ah uhh I mean… I know I shouldn’t do that, like it was totally uncool and like… but you know… I know… it’s just… I wanted to do it for so long… and well… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t… you can punch me if you want… but I didn’t want to die without –“

Avocato didn’t want to listen to Gary. The world swirled in his head, tumbled, rolled down the hill, disappearing in the black hole of his already messed up mind.

He wasn’t sure what was happening. He wasn’t sure about a lot of things. He wasn’t sure whether he was doing a good or a bad thing by not stopping Gary. He wasn’t sure whether he was a good person in the end. At this point he wasn’t sure about almost anything.

But in this very small moment, he was sure that it was Gary who had kissed him and this mere thought, this simple idea burst like a star inside his chest, consuming every intelligible thought that was left, letting his heart decide for his fate, allowing it to take his hand.

So he stepped forward and shut Gary up by kissing him.

The silence that appeared between them was lost in his loudly beating heart which hammered and rang and stormed inside of him, ready to fall apart.

Avocato felt like he was crumbling down as his lips touched Gary’s ones, giving it a comforting weight, stepping close enough to feel the heat, but far away enough so that the man could step away if he wanted to.

(But Avocato wanted to step forward, wanted to get even closer, sense the warmness on his own body, be able to trace it with his own fingers, map it inside his head, write it down as a sweet memory to remember.)

There was a beat, an echo, a sudden emptiness when nothing happened, when the world moved, but still stayed in one place.

And when Avocato was ready to pick up the discarded pieces of his heart, Gary tilted his head, pushed forward a little bit and moved his one hand to Avocato’s shirt, gripping it tightly, bringing him forward, closer, nearer, even closer, letting their chest touch, smash together, fit and click like they always belonged there. The other palm sneaked across his arm, resting on a shoulder to trace Milky Ways on his neck, curling around the fur desperately, needy and lovingly to this point Avocato was sure he could faint any second now.

(For someone who could conquer entire Galaxies, his legs quite quickly turned to jelly.)

Every small bit of space between them was too big for Avocato as his heart leaped happily.

Avocato pushed forward, almost smashing their mouths together, trying to feel more, get more, touch more, map the paths and trails in his head, sense the typical shivers of Gary’s mouth on his own as he moved his hands to the human’s waist and back. He held onto him tightly, feeling the fear so wildly burning in his bones that he was almost sure Gary would disappear if he let him go.

(Maybe something like this would happen. He was too afraid to check it.)

Their mouths moved, astonishingly delicately against each other, like they were afraid of what may be in front of them. Two timid space companions, astronauts floating in the wide universe.

Avocato slowly opened his mouth, only to bite down on Gary’s bottom lip, dragging it with his teeth, probably leaving two dark points where his canines should be, getting a small gasp in return and a tighter grasp on his neck.

(He probably should tone it down, but it felt like every barrier was broken and he could only count on his needs and emotions.)

Avocato could feel the purr climbing his throat, spilling out like a cosmic wave around them, reverberating in his chest, when Gary slowly pried open his lips, breathing heavily against Avocato’s mouth.

For a moment he was afraid that the man would move back, stop it there, but _oh_ how wrong he was, because Gary gripped him tighter. He wrapped his hands around Avocato’s neck to bring their faces incredibly close, kissing like there was no tomorrow.

(There probably was no tomorrow for Gary.)

Feeling already addicted to something he still didn’t taste, Avocato tilted his head and sneaked his tongue inside, letting it slide across, feel whatever it could. He sensed the heat pooling in his stomach, fireworks going off in his mind, planets spiraling in his chest as Gary’s tongue quickly moved to brush Avocato’s one, almost like he wanted to steal something precious from him.

There were several collisions of the teeth, awkward tilts of the heads, weird movements, noses smashing together, small breaks for a gasp here and there, saliva almost dripping down near the corners of the mouths, fingers getting caught in the fabric, moans and hums.

It was clearly an inexperienced moment. But a moment filled with so much love and warmness that Avocato felt drunk with sweet adoration that he harbored for the man, the human he wanted to hold close for as long as he could, keep him safe in his arms, where there was no wrong, no fear, no danger and no pain.

Unfortunately eternity for them ended in less than a minute, when Gary suddenly moved away and hid his face in Avocato’s chest and neck, holding tightly onto him.

And in this very moment the whole world stood in front of Avocato, reminding him of all the wrong and good that he had done. Of all the bad and good that was happening around. Of the happiness and fear that consumed their hearts.

And simply as that, Avocato felt like he was pushed underwater. Like dark hands wrapped themselves around his throat and pushed and pushed, clenching harder to prevent him from taking a breath.

He wanted to flail, but the only thing he could do was hold onto a lifeline and hug Gary closer, sensing the trembles and shivers running through his spine, feeling the heat, warmness and sweet life still in the body while whispering a simple:

“I’ve got you, baby, I’ve got you.”

Like some kind of a spell. Or maybe a curse.

Gary embraced him tighter and, in the stillness of the universe, he simply whispered, right into his neck:

“I’m scared, Avocato.”

Fear. A family to some people. A greatest enemy to the others. But for them it was like a friend, although the one which could stab them with a knife in the back when they weren’t looking, looking remorsefully at the falling down corpses.

“I’m scared too.” Avocato said, moved his one paw to Gary’s hair and brought him even closer, finding some kind of comfort in the sensation of the blonde locks between his fingers.

“I don’t want to die.”

“You won’t.”

“Please, don’t lie to me.” Gary sniffed. “Not you.”

Avocato wasn’t sure how to answer that. What more he could say?

He probably couldn’t say more. Everything that needed to be said had been already lost to the time which had passed them by, without them even noticing it. Time that was ticking, bringing them closer and yet further apart.

“Okay.” He said in the end.

So they held each other, close and even closer, feeling the warmness spreading through their bodies, listening to their hearts beating together in some kind of a sad dance, swirling, moving, twirling when the cue was ringing above them.

They held and tried to remember this moment, etch it in the minds.

Then – _too soon_ – Gary slowly moved away, untangling himself from the embrace.

And Avocato let him do it, let his hands slip down, losing the sparks of ember that had glided across it just a few seconds ago.

Then Gary made a step back – a step back that felt like light–years between them – and looked back up at him with a soft smile.

“Will you open the hangar doors for me?”

“Of course.”

Gary opened his mouth, closed it, but then leaned forward and pecked his cheek.

(Just like he had done so many months ago.)

It was a sparse touch, a freezing chilliness and a burning fire, that still scorched the skin, even after Gary had moved away.

“Take care of Little Cato and the rest.” He said.

“I will.”

Gary smiled and then turned on his heel to walk towards the ship.

Even though it broke his heart and destroyed his bones, Avocato turned around too and exited the hangar, letting the door close behind him with a hiss. It echoed loudly in the emptiness of the ship, even when Avocato looked back and glanced into the hangar through a small window.

Avocato could hear rushed footsteps behind him, getting closer and closer with every passing second.

Gary tapped several buttons on the console, changed something on the radar and then inhaled deeply before turning to him and showing him a thumbs up from the pilot cockpit.

Even from so far away, he could see the red circles around the eyes, the shivers running through the hands and the sudden hollowness in the irises. He could see the destruction that laid beneath their feet and the trail of blood they had left behind.

And in this very moment he wondered if the fate simply liked to play with them, tugging on the strings tied to their bodies to let them play on their own theatrical stage, finding pleasure in their misfortune.

Avocato flipped a handle and observed as the pressure in the hangar dropped, moving towards the red colors on a circular scale.

“Dad, no, wait!”

Gary was staring forward, but if Avocato wasn’t mistaken, there was a tension to his shoulders, almost like the man could hear Little Cato’s cries from the corridor.

(But that was impossible, was it?)

“Please wait!”

Avocato glanced at the small window, at the silhouette of Gary sitting in the pilot seat and then, before Little Cato could catch up, pressed the button.

The hangar doors opened

“Dad, no!”

Avocato turned around, observing his son running towards him through the silent ship. There were unshed tears in his eyes, small crystals accumulating near the corners and threating to fall down.

Their stares crossed and Avocato felt like the worst of thieves.

Little Cato turned his direction and leaped towards the console, reaching with his hands and hoping to mess something, to close the gate and prevent it all from happening.

Avocato moved forward, grabbed his son and in the same time they both heard engines bursting to life behind them. A sudden snap, a giant roar, a pained cry and then the ship shivered when Gary left the hangar.

“No, no, no, no, dad, let me go. We need to stop him.” Little Cato shouted, struggled, pushed, threw his hands around, trying to escape the hold Avocato had on him. “Dad please!”

But Avocato only clung tighter, feeling that he was crumbling inside. He was afraid he might do so, if he didn’t hold onto something real, something meaningful.

His chest was being emptied, leaving only a black hole behind, void, emptiness that resembled something, maybe beautiful worlds that had dried out.

Little Cato fought bravely, fought diligently, fought strongly, trying to escape, trying to twist his body, trying to run away, trying to brush him away, trying every small and big trick known to him to get away. But after a few minutes of struggle, his hands fell down, limply hanging near the sides.

Avocato felt his own strength leaving the body and he fell to his knees, holding tightly onto his son.

“Dad?” Little Cato said, voice hoarse and croaky, crooked due to all the wrong reasons.

“I’m sorry.” Avocato whispered, hiding his face in Little Cato’s body, embracing and hugging him, bringing him closer to feel the warmness that once had swum in his body, trying to find something to hold onto. “I’m so sorry.”

Little Cato stiffened for a moment and then crumpled down with Avocato, hitting his knees hard on the cold floor beneath them.

Soon there was wetness, terrible wetness on Avocato’s chest, heavy shudders that crackled and thundered around them, inside their chests, a pain that squeezed the hearts. A star of remorse exploded inside, destroying everything in its wake, letting them only hold onto each other, hoping for some kind of warmness, but finding vacuum of coldness instead.

They stayed like this for long enough that the enemy ships started to drift away, leaving their own ship alone, in the middle of nowhere, with destroyed oxygen tanks and engine that couldn’t move them forward. Left them to fend for themselves.

But they left them alone.

And in this loneliness, holding Little Cato tightly to his chest, Avocato looked up and saw a small dot behind the window, falling down and leaving a sparkling tail after itself.

Gary would call it a shooting star. Although from astronomical point of view it wasn’t that. Neither a star, neither a falling one.

(Maybe in the end it was only a perforated belief.)

Avocato knew it wasn’t possible. It had to be some kind of a meteor, burning in the atmosphere of a nearest planet or a comet drifting by. He knew it couldn’t be a shooting star. He knew it simply couldn’t be true.

Yet his heart whispered a silent wish.

(Although wasn’t it a little bit horrible? Trying to get one last wish from a poor, dying star?)

Avocato stared at the universe and hugged his son tighter, listening to his cacophonic heartbeat and feeling it resonate in his own perforated chest.

_the end_

_“I'm coming wait for me_

_I hear the ~~walls~~ **space** repeating_

_The falling of our feet and_

_It sounds like drumming_

_And we are not alone_

_I hear the ~~rocks~~ **stars** and ~~stones~~ **meteors**_

_Echoing our song_

_I'm coming”_

\- Anaïs Mitchell

_is it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is a wrap :D!  
> You can thank Hadestown for the ending... like for a pretty long time there was nothing after the end... and one day I was listening to Wait for me (Reprise) and decided to give them a second chance.  
> Also to answer Little Cato's question... it would be a leg.  
> Hope you liked it <3! Thank you for reading it!

**Author's Note:**

> Second part coming soon! I already finished it so no worries =D!
> 
> Anyway, sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it <3!


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